the eighth shadow: fighting entitlement
Arrogance demands and expects. Humility receives and enjoys.
Dan Rockwell
For although they knew God, they neither glorified him as God nor gave thanks to him, but their thinking became futile, and their foolish hearts were darkened.
Paul (commenting on the culture of Rome)
So many men fall into sin because they think they are owed something for what they have done. This is the danger of entitlement.
It's such a sweet trap to believe that the rules don’t apply to us.
We must fight entitlement. In many ways, this could have been the 8th shadow of our book Fighting Shadows. Entitlement can stand between us and God, getting us to believe that we can decide what we deserve. It blocks our trust in God's mercy, timing, and provision.
Entitlement is not narcissism, which tends towards pathological self-absorption.
It's not arrogance; the thought that we are better than others.
Entitlement is more subtle than that. It’s the idea that I am owed something others are not. Life is indebted to me, and I am here to collect.
Psychology Today defines entitlement this way:
"Entitlement is an enduring personality trait, characterized by the belief that one deserves preferences and resources that others do not."
For Christian men, entitlement may be one of the least talked about but most deadly issues lurking in our hearts. Maybe it’s because we give up so many pleasures of the world to follow Christ. Maybe it’s because eternal rewards seem so far away, or because culture disciples us in the way of entitlement one algorithm at a time. The cumulative effect is a generation of men walking around thinking they are owed something. This is not good for us or the world we are called to serve.
Tasha Eurich, an organizational psychologist notes,
“Research confirms that entitled employees have unjustified positive opinions about their talents and contributions, feel deserving of things they haven’t earned, and even see their supervisors as abusive. They’re also less satisfied with their jobs, more likely to underperform, pick fights, and behave unethically.”
The best men resist entitlement.
Steven Pressfield highlights this in a story about Alexander the Great.
"Once, Alexander was leading his army through a waterless desert. The column was strung out for miles, with men and horses suffering terribly from thirst. Suddenly, a detachment of scouts came galloping back to the king. They had found a small spring and had managed to fill up a helmet with water. They rushed to Alexander and presented this to him. The army held in place, watching. Every man’s eye was fixed upon his commander. Alexander thanked his scouts for bringing him this gift, then, without touching a drop, he lifted the helmet and poured the precious liquid into the sand. At once, a great cheer ascended, rolling like thunder from one end of the column to the other. A man was heard to say, “With a king like this to lead us, no force on earth can stand against us.”
Jesus didn’t let entitlement sink in.
Philippians 2 tells us that though He was equal with God, He took on the nature of a servant and poured Himself out. He gave His life for others, suffering a violent death on the cross.
Jesus did not live like an entitled man.
He washed the feet of His disciples.
Had compassion on widows.
Rebuked it when He saw it in the Pharisees.
Forgave His enemies.
I do not want to be an entitled man.
I constantly work to fight this. As the senior pastor of a large church in New York City, privilege can flow toward me. I can get special attention, preferential treatment, recognition, and honor.
But rather than these being the rewards of leadership, they are actually the dangers of leadership.
Life is about serving others.
Any platform we are given is for the gospel and the glory of God.
Privilege is to be stewarded for others, not hoarded for the self.
A.W. Tozer has a beautiful prayer I am asking God to form into the cry of my heart.
"I am Thy servant to do Thy will, and that will is sweeter to me than position or riches or fame, and I choose it above all things on Earth or in Heaven. Amen."
As disciples of Jesus, we are not entitled men; we are indebted men.
Indebted to grace.
Indebted to mercy
Indebted to a patient God who lovingly modeled the way.
Here to fight entitlement with you.
Cheers.
Jon.
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In Today’s Newsletter
Verses to fight entitlement
Quotes to ponder
Book recommendations this month
Music I am loving right now
Poems to cultivate gratitude
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VERSES TO FIGHT ENTITLEMENT
“But you are not to be like that. Instead, the greatest among you should be like the youngest, and the one who rules like the one who serves.”
Luke 22:26
“And he sat down and called the twelve. And he said to them, “If anyone would be first, he must be last of all and servant of all.”
Mark 9:35
“The greatest among you shall be your servant.”
Matthew 23:11
"So you also, when you have done everything you were told to do, should say,
‘We are unworthy servants; we have only done our duty.’”
Luke 17:10
QUOTES TO PONDER
“The servant-leader is servant first, it begins with a natural feeling that one wants to serve, to serve first, as opposed to, wanting power, influence, fame, or wealth.”
Robert K. Greenleaf
"The leader must have both the courage to take the people to a daring destination and the humility to selflessly serve others on the journey."
Cheryl Bachelder
"Complaining is a self-absorbed and a passive exercise. It’s inward-facing and represents a lack of leadership maturity. It also becomes tedious and tiresome. Great (people) who show leadership own problems. That means they take accountability to drive change."
Cindy Wahler
“Life’s most persistent and urgent question is, ‘What are you doing for others?'”
Martin Luther King, Jr.
BOOKS RECOMMENDATIONS FOR THIS MONTH
In My Time of Dying by Sebastian Junger
This was an incredible book on life after death. Beautifully written, it will fill you with hope about the eternal life we have in Jesus while confronting the uncertainties along the way. Here is more…
For years as an award-winning war reporter, Sebastian Junger traveled to many front lines and frequently put his life at risk. And yet the closest he ever came to death was the summer of 2020 while spending a quiet afternoon at the New England home he shared with his wife and two young children. Crippled by abdominal pain, Junger was rushed to the hospital by ambulance. Once there, he began slipping away. As blackness encroached, he was visited by his dead father, inviting Junger to join him. “It’s okay,” his father said. “There’s nothing to be scared of. I’ll take care of you.” That was the last thing Junger remembered until he came to the next day when he was told he had suffered a ruptured aneurysm that he should not have survived.
This experience spurred Junger—a confirmed atheist raised by his physicist father to respect the empirical—to undertake a scientific, philosophical, and deeply personal examination of mortality and what happens after we die. How do we begin to process the brutal fact that any of us might perish unexpectedly on what begins as an ordinary day? How do we grapple with phenomena that science may be unable to explain? And what happens to a person, emotionally and spiritually, when forced to reckon with such existential questions?
In My Time of Dying is part medical drama, part searing autobiography, and part rational inquiry into the ultimate unknowable mystery.
Jesus and the Powers by N.T.Wright and Michael Bird
How can we avoid the idolatry of modern politics and think clearly about it. I got this book for the sermon I preached called Controversial Faith: The Church and Politics. Well worth your time.
An urgent call for Christians everywhere to explore the nature of the kingdom amid the political upheaval of our day.
Should Christians be politically withdrawn, avoiding participation in politics to maintain their prophetic voice and to keep from being used as political pawns? Or should Christians be actively involved, seeking to utilize political systems to control the levers of power?
In Jesus and the Powers, N. T. Wright and Michael F. Bird call Christians everywhere to discern the nature of Christian witness in fractured political environments. In an age of ascending autocracies, in a time of fear and fragmentation, amid carnage and crises, Jesus is king, and Jesus’s kingdom remains the object of the church's witness and work.
Part political theology, part biblical overview, and part church history, this book argues that building for Jesus's kingdom requires confronting empire in all its forms. This approach should orient Christians toward a form of political engagement that contributes to free democratic societies and vigorously opposes political schemes based on autocracy and nationalism. Throughout, Wright and Bird reflect on the relevance of this kingdom-oriented approach to current events, including the Russian-Ukraine conflict, the China-Taiwan tension, political turmoil in the USA, UK, and Australia, and the problem of Christian nationalism.
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MUSIC I AM LOVING RIGHT NOW
Day by Nils Frahm
Magic album to contemplate the beauty and wonder of life.
Worth checking out the whole body of his work. Screws Reworked is sublime.
Living Room Songs by Ólafur Arnalds
Another album for late-night prayer of examen or that leisurely commute.
Where He's Wanted (Live) by Church of the City New York
Quite a few folks listen to the teaching that comes out of our church but often wonder what the worship is like. Here is a live album we recorded at one of our monthly prayer and worship nights called Break the Soil. We also have 24/7 prayer running in our church which you can check out in our prayer room if you are ever in the city.
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POETRY
Adam Zagajewski is one of my favorite poets.
Here are a few of my favorites from him to cultivate gratitude and fight entitlement.
Figs by Adam Zagajewski
Figs are sweet,
but don’t last long.
They spoil fast in transit,
says the shopkeeper.
Like kisses, adds his wife,
a hunched old woman with bright eyes.
Wind by Adam Zagajewski
We always forget what poetry is
(or maybe it happens only to me).
Poetry is a wind blowing from the gods,
says Cioran, citing the Aztecs.
But there are so many quiet, windless days.
The gods are napping then
or they’re preparing tax forms for even loftier gods.
Oh may that wind return.
The wind blowing from the gods let it come back,
let that wind
awaken.
Nocturne by Adam Zagajewski
Sunday afternoons, September: my father listens
to a Chopin concerto, distracted
(music for him was often just a backdrop
for other activities, work or reading),
but after a moment, he puts the book aside, lost in thought;
I think one of the nocturnes
must have moved him deeply—he looks out the window
(he doesn’t know I’m watching), his face
opens to the music, to the light,
and so he stays in my memory, focused,
motionless, so he’ll remain forever,
beyond the calendar, beyond the abyss,
beyond the old age that destroyed him,
and even now, when he no longer is, he’s still
here, attentive, book to one side,
leaning in his chair, serene,
he listens to Chopin, as if that nocturne
were speaking to him, explaining something.
