the most important 13 words a dad will ever say

Children ache for blessing. It’s a requirement for a healthy soul. 

Much has been written on blessing, the wounds of its absence and the healing of its presence, yet It seems to be a forgotten concept in our modern world. Regardless of its absence in our cultural conversation, this primal need will resurface in moments of accomplishment and pain. 

But what exactly does it mean to bless someone? How do we heal instead of wound when our hands seem so unskilled in this delicate art? Dallas Willard writes, “Blessing is the projection of good into the life of another.” The most famous scene of blessing in the Bible occurs at the baptism of Jesus. Before Jesus had done any ministry, raised the dead, healed the sick, taught the multitudes or trained disciples, his Father spoke a word of blessing over him. The Father projects the good of heaven into the life of his incarnate son. Jesus’ ministry flowed from blessing, not for it.

Most of us move through life in an unblessed state. Rarely have we been valued, recognized, affirmed and loved to the degree that our hearts need to thrive. We are left wondering if we are really enough, if we have what it takes, if our shame will ever be removed, our accomplishments ever notice. Worse than that, many of us have been wounded and rejected, a curse in our hearts in the place blessing belongs. 

As Fathers we all ache to bless our kids, but for many it’s hard to know how to actually do it. How do we project good into the life of our children in a Tik-Tok, Fortnite, and gender non-conforming world? 

Matthew 3:16-17 gives us an anatomy of blessing.

“As soon as Jesus was baptized, he went up out of the water. At that moment heaven was opened, and he saw the Spirit of God descending like a dove and alighting on him. And a voice from heaven said, “This is my Son, whom I love; with him I am well pleased.”

13 words spoken from heaven. 13 words that still speak today. 13 words that made the entire ministry of Jesus possible. 13 words that enabled Jesus to move through the world with a blessed soul. 

Acceptance. This is my beloved son.
Affection. Whom I love.
Affirmation. With him I am well pleased.

This may seem obvious, but from my experience as a pastor meeting with people for the last 25 years, very few, and I mean very few, have experienced these deep realities over the course of their lives. If we cannot give what we do not have, we must recover this felt sense of blessing in our lives.  Blessed people bless people. Cursed people curse people. What is it that is flowing from your heart into the hearts of our kids?

Acceptance.
Do we really accept our kids for who they are? Do they really feel loved simply being themselves? Or are we sending subliminal clues that they need to be something else? Something more, something different, something we want them to be? Do you accept their personalities, their music, their sense of style, their opinions, their emerging views on politics, their sense of self? Of do you want them to be something less annoying, less awkward, more attractive, more intellegent? Do they know that they are seen and accepted for who they are? 

Affection. 
Many parents love their kids, but fail to express that love in ways that connect at a deep emotional level. Many children are wounded by the proverbial Dad who shows his love by working all week to provide, but is emotionally unavailable to enter the smaller world of the childs reality. A simple thought for reflection. Name 3 moments while growing up where your parents showed you deep affection in such a way that it registered in your soul that you were an object of delight? For many, these moments are few and far between. Are you communicating to your kids that they are liked, not just loved, celebrated, not just tolerated? Most parents are affectionate during the early years, but neglect it during the teenage years. I believe you need to double down on affection the older your kids get. Though they won’t come out and say it, teenagers ache for affection, even if awkwardly expressed. 

Affirmation. 
Do we find fault or find joy in our relationship with our kids? Are we speaking words of affirmation over them in such a way that we are cultivating courage, strength, and confidence? What is the ratio of calling out gifts verses correcting behavior? Are we sending them into the world with a voice of blessing in their ears, or a voice of accusation? Are we celebrating progress or complaining about the struggle? Are we affirming the good, or highlighting the bad?
A soul cannot be nagged into a state of delight. It must be affirmed and nurtured there. 

At the deepest part of Jesus being he knew who he was, how his father felt, and how he was doing. It was this inner source of blessing that enabled him to endure betrayal from his closest friends, rejection from the authorities of his day, resist the allure of the praise of man, and entrust his life to his Father on the cross.

If Jesus needed blessing for his calling and mission, and you need blessing as a man, your kids will need this sense of blessing too. They are growing up in a world where Christians are shamed, accomplishments scrutinized, and the risk of being cancelled hovers over every online interaction.  

Gods deepest desire for you is that you experience and enjoy his blessing. This is the wonder and heart of the gospel. You’ve been adopted as his son, you’ve been lavished with his love, you’ve inherited the riches of his grace. No one has the power to shame or cancel you before our great God. You have a blessed soul, may you learn to move through the world that way too.

Why not take a moment this week to specifically bless your kids?

Show them deep acceptance.
Lavish them with affection.
Affirm them for who they are.

13 words changed Jesus life. 
13 words changed your life. 
13 words can change your kids lives.

Speak these words your kids long to hear.

Thanks for taking the time to read this in the midst of all you have going on.

Cheers.

Jon.