cracks...
“Sin demands to have a man by himself. It withdraws him from the community. The more isolated a person is, the more destructive the power of sin over him.”
Dietrich Bonhoeffer
“He that follows me, shall not walk in darkness, but have the light of life.”
Jesus
I just got back from a men’s retreat that was as amazing and tragic as any I have attended.
There was confession, deep friendship, vision to live with integrity, and a resolve to walk with Jesus in the light. I wish everyone could experience a brotherhood like this.
But it was also tragic as story after story unfolded of friends whose lives had seemed to implode. Good men. Talented men. Formerly zealous men. Now undone by hidden compromises, emotional affairs, addictions, isolation, or moral exhaustion.
The more we processed, the more a sobering truth emerged: the things overlooked in our twenties and thirties have the power to destroy us in our forties and fifties.
As I prayed and processed these gut-wrenching stories, my mind kept returning to King David.David was called a man after God’s own heart. A warrior-poet. A military leader. A beloved king. Yet, when most people hear his name, what do they think of? Bathsheba.
CRACKS IN OUR CHARACTER
We are all familiar with the story of Bathsheba. In the time of the year when the kings went to war, David stayed back from battle. He walked on his rooftop and saw Bathsheba bathing. He had a palace full of wives, a house full of concubines, and a heart that loved God. But in that moment, all of it blurred into the background. He coveted another man’s wife, coerced her with his power, got her pregnant, and then murdered her husband to cover it up. Thinking he had gotten away with it, God sent Nathan to confront him about the sin that no earthly king could cover up.
How does something like this happen? How does something like this seemingly come out of nowhere? Turns out it didn’t. It wasn’t a one-off lapse. It was a crack in David's character that had been forming over decades, and it finally gave way when opportunity presented itself.
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We like to think that sin rushes into our lives suddenly. But more often than not, it’s the fruit of years of neglect. This was true for David. David had a thing for women from the very beginning, a trait that is evident throughout the story of his life.
It first appears in the request for the reward with Goliath. He asked multiple times about the reward for killing Goliath, including the promise of a royal wife (read the account for yourself). But he was not content with one wife. He married Michal, then Abigail, then Ahinoam, then Maacah, Haggith, Abital, and Eglah. By the time he got to Jerusalem, he took more wives, more concubines, and more sons. His household and his fatherhood were in a state of disarray.
This wasn’t just bad decision-making. It was a direct violation of God’s law. In Deuteronomy 17:17, God gave clear instructions for the kings:“He must not take many wives, or his heart will be led astray.” These commands weren’t optional or advisory; they were meant to guard the king’s heart from pride, compromise, and idolatry. The accumulation of wives in ancient royal culture was a sign of power, prestige, and political alliance, but God wanted His king to be different—set apart and holy.
David, despite being a man after God's own heart, ignored this. There is no record of confrontation about his polygamy early on. We have no record of his mighty men bringing this up. Maybe this was overlooked because of his military victories. Maybe because of his rich life of worship, or because he was the anointed one and a better king than Saul.
God have mercy on the leader whose success silences others from calling him out.
Yet every wife he added, every boundary he crossed, subtly reshaped his vision of leadership. It turned anointing into entitlement that resulted in disaster. David's story is a case study in how unchecked compromise accumulates over time to devastating effect. What begins as devotion turns into ambition. What starts as gratitude can morph into greed. What God forbids becomes something we justify in the name of success.
A DANGEROUS EQUATION
Here is an equation for failure that starts small but builds towards collapse.
Weakness + Neglect + Opportunity = Failure
David had weaknesses. So do we. That’s not the problem. The problem is when we neglect them, hide them, minimize them, or spiritualize them instead of confronting them. Over time, these neglected cracks create fault lines in our souls. And all it takes is one opportunity: a moment of discouragement alone, a season of stress, a DM at the wrong time, and the dam of accumulated compromise breaks.
FORGIVENESS AND CONSEQUENCES
Psalm 51 is a beautiful cry of repentance; it's worth meditating on slowly. But forgiveness doesn’t remove consequences. David’s family unraveled in violence and betrayal. Amnon assaulted his sister. Absalom murdered Amnon. Absalom slept with David’s concubines on the rooftop. And the baby born from David and Bathsheba’s union died.
As Hosea noted:sow the wind, reap the whirlwind.
David's life is a sobering reminder that you can be anointed and used by God and still lose everything if you refuse to deal with your shadow. What a tragic cost sin exacts when left on its own.
Marriages ending.
Children confused.
Churches wounded.
Legacies lost.
But the greatest tragedy? Most of it could have been prevented if someone had dealt with the cracks earlier.
GOING UPSTREAM ON LEADERSHIP FAILURE
If you’re reading this and feeling that inner jolt of conviction…good. That’s the mercy of God. He loves us too much to let us be controlled by our sin. Don’t listen to the lie that you will deal with secret sin later, or that this won’t affect anyone else, or that you can handle it on your own. Bring it into the light, ask for help, and be honest. Sin on its own won’t destroy your life—God can forgive and redeem—but hiding it and trying to manage it on your own will.
Friends, I am pleading with you.
Confess your cracks
Where are you vulnerable? Where are you hiding? What issues have you minimized for years? Find a brother or a counselor you can talk with. Say it out loud. Let the light in.
Strengthen your soul
Read the Word not just for content, but for power. Fast. Pray. Go to therapy. Get rid of whatever is numbing you.
Set up guardrails with teeth
Don’t wait for the opportunity to arise. Cut it off. Build rhythms of confession into your life. The best way to fight temptation is to avoid it.
Do not delay confession
So often in our competence,education, and skill, we think we can manage our sin behind the scenes. This is only delaying the inevitable.
Remember Proverbs 28:13:
“Whoever conceals their sins does not prosper, but the one who confesses and renounces them finds mercy.”
FIXING THE FOUNDATION
The world doesn’t need more successful men. It needs more holy men.
Men who are ruthlessly honest.
Men who confess before collapse.
Men who hate what others tolerate and fight towards the light.
David's story doesn't end in failure, but it is marked by regret. My prayer is that we would take his story as a warning and learn from his pain without having to experience it ourselves.
Let’s be the kind of men who confront the cracks before the collapse.
There is mercy waiting for you; take hold of it today.
With you and for you, with a heavy but hopeful heart.
Cheers.
Jon.
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Discussion Questions:
What is a secret sin you’ve carried, maybe in different forms, maybe buried under busyness or church involvement, that has quietly followed you for years, that you’ve never fully confessed?
Where have you convinced yourself that you're in control of a private struggle, when in reality it’s been controlling the tone and direction of your inner life? Would you be willing to confess that now?
What subtle cracks in your character (patterns of lust, pride, resentment, escapism, exaggeration, deceit) have you allowed to persist because your gifting, impact leadership, or people skills have seemed to cover them?
In what areas of your life have you learned to project light while privately walking in the shadows, hoping no one ever looks too closely?
Who have you actually trusted with the unedited version of yourself, and what parts of your heart have you intentionally kept off-limits, even to God’s healing presence?
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