stop judging influencers; you are one
“The influence of each human being on others in this life is a kind of immortality.”
John Quincy Adams
“Every man has an influence. He cannot touch a hand or speak a word without leaving a trace of himself.”
Henry Drummond
What’s the first thing that comes to your mind when you hear the word influencer?
Maybe it’s the Kardashians selling makeup online.
Maybe it’s a college kid on TikTok sharing failure memes for the likes.
More than likely, you don’t think about yourself in your everyday life as an influencer.
For the most part, we perceive our daily lives as inconsequential. What does driving to work, buying coffee, chatting with our neighbors, talking about the game, and completing tasks have to do with influence?
But every one of us exerts an influence far greater than we know.
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The word influencer wasn’t added to the dictionary until 2019, but the idea of influence has a long and important history. The word “influence” is derived from a Latin root meaning “to flow.” What we do in everyday life has far more of a profound impact on the lives around us than we are aware of. Who we are literally flows into the lives of others, whether we like it or not.
At our men’s retreats, we often see this in high definition: A father’s influence flows.
Sometimes, it flows in carelessness—words spoken without thought, spilling out and sinking deep into a son’s heart, leaving wounds that never fully heal, even after years.
Other times, it flows in strength—simple, intentional words spoken with love and clarity that build and bless. Those words, though small, can flow through a man’s life as a source of joy for decades.
Tommy Spaulding notes that in its most basic sense, “Influence means having a lasting effect on the character or behavior of another person.”
Every man is an influencer. But the compound effect of this over a lifetime is extraordinary.
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Imagine you are standing out in front of a huge stadium—something like Accor Stadium in Sydney or AT&T Stadium in Arlington, Texas (Home of the Dallas Cowboys). Inside are 80,000 people, all waiting for something to happen. It’s not a rugby or football game; it’s to acknowledge the influence you had in their lives.
This is not a fictional reality; it’s true for every one of us.
Jon Gordon said…
“A recent study showed that the average person will influence eighty thousand people in their lives, positively or negatively. That’s 1,025 people impacted per year, or 2.8 daily.
What will those 80,000 people say about your influence? What impact will you have had on them for good and bad?
Now, to be clear, this isn’t just about interactions, but about impact. We will interact with people we will not influence, but in every moment, we have the possibility of being the worst or best moment of another person’s day.
SHAKE SHACK AND THE RENTAL CAR
I had two memorable moments of influence on a recent trip.
The first one was a beautiful encounter that came out of nowhere. While renting a car in San Antonio, a woman asked me about the purpose of the rental. I told her I was hosting a retreat for men that helps heal the hearts so that they live with freedom, sacrifice, and love.
To my surprise, she teared up and said, “I wish my ex-husband could have come on one of your retreats. He left me with a couple of kids and never participated in their lives. I raised them as a single mom, working two jobs.”
She then took her phone out, showed me her kids, and beamed from ear to ear. I gave her an awkwardly long round of applause, some encouragement, and some money to take herself out for a night of celebration. I thanked her for the years of grinding it out, denying herself, and paying the price.
As I left, she thanked me for recognizing and celebrating her sacrifice and wished me luck working with the men. It was a small, dramatic kingdom moment on a regular day that had nothing to do with the reason for my trip, but a moment I believe both of us will remember. I will be in her 80,000-person crowd, and she will be in mine. Tears at a rental car booth and recognition of sacrifice may mean more than we know.
The second one is a somewhat shameful moment.
While returning through the airport, I wanted to grab Shake Shack. Shake Shack is a non-Christian version of Chick-fil-A, common grace in edible form.
But the customer service was awful. I mean, horrific.
Being familiar with Danny Meyer’s vision of hospitality from his book Setting the Table, I took it upon myself to highlight the gap between my customer experience and the vision of Shake Shack as a company. I gave a play-by-play critique of what went wrong and said it with a sarcastic tone. This was followed by an apathetic dismissal on the part of the employee that fueled my frustration. He put his AirPods in and walked away. It was probably for the best so that he did not hear what came out of my mouth next. I am pretty sure that I was not his customer highlight of the day.
2.8 people per day shuffle into the stadium that is the influence and impact of our lives. What are they walking in saying about how we made them feel?
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In Matthew 25, Jesus makes a startling claim. He ties the treatment of other people to divine encounters in disguise.
Whatever we do to the least of these, we do to Him. But what stands out to me in Matthew 25 is the shock and surprise of both the faithful and the wicked.
In verse 40, the righteous are told,
‘Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me.’
In verses 44-45, the wicked are told,
‘Truly I tell you, whatever you did not do for one of the least of these, you did not do for me.’
Our lives are not waiting for some moment of greatness to go viral. Every moment has the power to be an interaction with Christ Himself and shape eternity.
2.8 times a day we are filling our stadiums with rebuke or reward. Divine encounters or missed opportunities.
Every man is an influencer, like it or not.
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Mel Lawrenze writes…
“Influence is not a weaker word for leadership. It is the hidden power behind leadership… Just think of the effect if massive numbers of believers woke up to their potential to exercise spiritual influence in the schools where they teach, in the boardrooms where they deliberate, in the clinics where they care for people’s health, in the churches where they serve, in the assemblies where they legislate, in the homes where they raise their children.”
So much of Jesus' influence on human history comes from His ordinary interactions with everyday people.
Touching a leper, healing a bleeding woman, welcoming sinners, eating with a tax collector—not dramatic in themselves, but they created entire categories of justice, inclusion, love, and hope throughout the ages, all through one-off encounters of love.
It's been said before, “People will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.”
Are you making people feel the compassion of Christ or the critique of a judgmental culture?
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I want to nudge the world towards the kingdom of heaven, one interaction at a time. When I die, I want a stadium full of people who are grateful for the love, attention, and care that I showed. I don’t want it half full of people I wounded, overlooked, or judged in the daily moments of my life.
Francis Schaeffer said it so well…
“With God there are no little people and no little places.”
I want to treat every person as Christ in disguise, with the possibility of the kingdom breaking in at any moment.
Here’s to filling a small section of our life stadium with love this week.
Cheers.
Jon.
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Discussion Questions:
What kind of emotional and spiritual atmosphere flows from you when you enter a room—peace or pressure, safety or uncertainty, indifference or intentionality?
Where have you recently used your influence to wound—through sarcasm, distance, harshness, or retreat—and what would it take to repair that damage with humility and love this week?
What would the person at the end of your most “insignificant” interaction today say about how you made them feel—noticed, rushed, dismissed, seen? Why?
What compliment, affirmation, or blessing did someone once give you that still fuels you today, and what would it look like to give that kind of blessing to someone else this week?
If Jesus said, “Whatever you do to the least of these, you do to me,” how might that reshape the way you talk to the barista, the janitor, or the guy at work who annoys you this week?