the best way to fight is to avoid the war

 "Lead us not into temptation." 

Jesus

"The greatest victory isn't found in overcoming your opponent through strength, cleverness, or force of will. It's in avoiding the battle altogether."

Sun Tzu

This week I want to help you avoid temptation so you don’t even have to wrestle with it.

This is important because so much of the shame men feel in their lives comes from giving in to temptation. It makes sense then that so much has been written about men and temptation.

• "Know when you are susceptible! (BHALT. Bored, hungry, angry, lonely, tired)"

• "Claim promises! James 4:7 - Resist the devil, and he will flee from you."

• "Quote the Bible and talk back to the Devil. Jesus did. (Matthew 4)"

James Clear’s stuff on "Identity resistance" is strong, and James 1:14-15 tells us the process of temptation: Desire, Decision, Disobedience, Death.

Much good has been written on these ideas, but I want to address something that happens before these moments. Before we are caught up fighting the integrity war. I want to talk about recognizing and resisting temptation before it even happens. 

When I was a new believer, I wrestled deeply to kill sin. I was working in a butcher shop that was not a native environment for a holy life. I would come into work and the other guys would pin up porn in front of my workspace at the start of my day. It was a daily battle. During a catch-up with one of my mentors to process how to deal with the thoughts that kept creeping into my head, he dropped a Martin Luther quote I have reflected on for over 30 years:

"You cannot keep birds from flying over your head, but you can keep them from building a nest in your hair."

So much of what we are talking about with temptation is getting nests out of our hair. That is essential to understand, but I am trying to get upstream on that. I’m working on not letting the bird land in the first place. But that is easier said than done. Jesus told us not to pray for strength in temptation (though we should); he prayed that we wouldn’t even go down its path. Is it possible to deal with temptation before it begins?

This had me thinking about metacognitive therapy and intrusive thoughts. The way we see temptation is as much a key as how we fight it. Temptation seems to sneak in and intrude on us without our permission. It just arrives and demands a response. So I was thinking about some ways to frame these thoughts so I don’t even start the conversation with temptation. While reading "If Only," I came across these frames for resisting tempting thoughts before you engage them. I hope they stir some fresh ways of thinking so that you don’t have to fight the integrity battle because you refuse to engage in the first place.

Here are a few ways to fight the battle by avoiding it.

THE SPAM CALL

Most of us receive at least a few spam calls a week. Somehow we make it onto someone’s list and they come at us. I had a guy call several times a week asking me to contribute to a police department somewhere upstate. I answered once when I didn’t recognize the number, listened to his spiel, and never answered again. I put on some iPhone focus settings and downloaded an app that makes it impossible for someone to leave a voicemail on my phone. 

I try and view temptation like that. My internal processing goes something like this when I see a temptation coming at me: "Oh, I know who this is. This is going to be some tempting thing trying to sucker me into giving my integrity away. Ignore." 

It's important that you ignore temptation, and not just politely decline. True story - once in my early twenties I politely declined my way into a magazine subscription for my favorite magazines that lasted 3 years from a random phone call. 

Straight to voice mail. No engagement. 

THE SCAM EMAIL

I have had several friends get scammed by email. Phishing techniques are getting more and more credible, but some of them are obvious. 

Remember the Nigerian Prince email Scam? The kind man trying to sneak 53 million dollars out of his country who would cut you in on a third of it if he could run it through your account. If you would just send your numbers over…

These days you don’t open emails like that because you know it’s a scam. You just delete it and don’t give it another thought. We need to learn to see temptation that way. When thoughts like these come into your head:

"Why don’t you try and get back at her; revenge is worth it."

"You deserve this."

"God will understand and forgive; he’s kind like that."

"It's just this one time."

"You can start again tomorrow."

Don’t open. Delete. This is all just the same lie designed to lure you into sin.

Recognize. Renounce. Move on.

THE WRONG TRAIN

When I first moved to New York City in 2005, I didn’t know how the subways worked. There were no apps back then, and I didn’t know the difference between the 1, 2, or 3 trains. They were all red-colored, and I thought they would take me on the "red" line. I will never forget the first time I got lost. I was trying to get to the Upper West Side where we lived and thought any of the red trains would take me there. I needed the 1 train but jumped on the 2 train. But at some point, the 2 train turned into the express train and took me 30 blocks away from where I was headed. I got a free tour of Harlem that day. (Double Dutch Espresso is strong)

Paying careful attention to the train you want to get on is important. Paying attention to where your thoughts will take you is even more so. For example,

Imagine yourself standing on the platform of a busy train station in New York City, waiting for subway number 1, which will take you to your Air BNB. The number 2 and 3 trains come into the station, but you don’t get on them. Those are the rumination trains, but you are only getting on train 1. It’s not here yet, so let the other trains go by.

THE FIRST STEP ON THE PATH.

Psalm 1 talks about the importance of choosing the right path.

Blessed is the one who does not walk in step with the wicked

or stand in the way that sinners take

or sit in the company of mockers.

Walk. Stand. Sit.

This slow progression will kill you. It's better not to even get on the path.

If you are on the right road, you can avoid the wicked, the temptation of sinners, and the mockers who are more popular than ever.

Keep walking. It's not worth even taking a step on that path.

SETTING THE LORD BEFORE YOU

Psalms 16:7-9 is one of the most potent sections of scripture in the bible. It reads:

I will praise the LORD, who counsels me; even at night my heart instructs me.

I keep my eyes always on the LORD. With him at my right hand, I will not be shaken.

Therefore my heart is glad and my tongue rejoices; my body also will rest secure.

Council, instruction, stability, a glad heart, and rest. This is what comes when we welcome his presence. This is what happens when we resist temptation. 

Set the Lord before you; you will not be shaken.

I know temptation is lurking everywhere as a man these days. It comes out of nowhere, and it comes fast. It comes in a sweet voice, and it seems to make logical sense.

But my prayer for you is that you will increase in discernment this year.

That you will get upstream on temptation and get on with your life.

That the energy deployed in the struggle against the same old sins will be reallocated to love.

The best battles are the ones you never have to fight.

Avoid well brothers.

Thanks for reading.

Cheers.

Jon.