a man like you in a time like this
"It seems to me that I have greater peace and am close to God when I am not ‘trying to be a contemplative,’ or trying to be anything special, but simply orienting my life fully and completely towards what seems to be required of a man like me at a time like this."
Thomas Merton
"He has told you, O man, what is good; and what does the LORD require of you
but to do justice, and to love kindness, and to walk humbly with your God?"
Micah 6:8
We are all trying to figure out what kind of men we are meant to be in the world today.
In the past, many identity issues for men were resolved when a man went to work. For the most part, his job and a couple of hobbies went on to define him. A small collection of brand choices let you know who he was. You could tell a man by the place he worked, the team he supported, what he drank at a BBQ, and his favorite band. You knew his faith by the denomination he was a part of and the translation he read. Of course, there were insecurities and longings below the surface, but most men didn’t fixate on them, delay responsibilities, and orient their lives on a quest for self-expression. They accepted their lot, did their jobs, and tried to find joy in the smaller moments of life.
These days, most men struggle with who they are meant to be for most of their lives. Identity is performative, fluid, weaponized, and criticized. Our careers change, profiles and resumes matter, and as time creeps on we can have a gnawing sense that we haven’t amounted to the kind of man we are meant to be. We are still trying to be something special, something to live up to.
For many men today, they are ever achieving but never becoming.
This can cause us to hustle and chase trends to fit in and fill the void. We can follow one leader, or teaching, or idea to another because we have a sense that this is who we are meant to be.
Why are you trying to be?
I think that’s why so many men feel exhausted. Living up to some cultural standard or ideal either inside the church or outside in the world creates performance, pride, shame, and fatigue. Most of the anxiety, sadness, and frustration I see in the hearts of men today comes from failing to become the thing they are meant to be.
That’s why I love Merton’s insight so much.
It seems to me that I have greater peace and am close to God when I am not "trying to be a contemplative," or trying to be anything special, but simply orienting my life fully and completely towards what seems to be required of a man like me at a time like this.
The truth is we never find God’s peace and presence by trying to "be someone" or be "something." We get it by simply doing what is required of us in the moments we have.
You don’t become a servant leader by going on a mega quest of humility. You get it by listening to people, being inconvenienced, and sacrificing your time and energy when people need it from you.
You don’t become godly by going to a ministry school, seminary, or international trip. You become godly by walking with God in the everyday stuff of life. By being kind to your annoying coworker, patient with your wife when she forgets things, and joyful when your kids are driving you crazy. You get it in the early morning quiet and fight for devotional time when the schedules seem maxed out.
And you get it by doing what life asks of you.
Facing cancer or illness with strength and dignity.
Walking with a friend through depression and anxiety or wrestling with your own.
Dealing with family tensions and generational cycles so that you extend blessing and not dysfunction to those around you.
Viktor Frankly wrestled deeply with this when he was in the Nazi death camps.
Stripped of his vocation, preferences, identity, and work, he learned a deeper truth.
A man is not defined by what he wants from life, but by how he responds to what life wants from him.
In Man’s Search for Meaning, he wrote:
It did not really matter what we expected from life, but rather what life expected from us. We needed to stop asking about the meaning of life, and instead to think of ourselves as those who were being questioned by life—daily and hourly. Our answer must consist, not in talk and meditation, but in right action and in right conduct. Life ultimately means taking the responsibility to find the right answer to its problems and to fulfill the tasks which it constantly sets for each individual.
Stop trying to be someone, and start being present to those around you.
What is being asked of you?
Who needs something from you?
What challenges are yours and yours alone to handle?
What is needed from you here, now, today?
That’s where the peace is. That’s where the true sense of dignity and accomplishment and meaning are found. Not in becoming something, but becoming someone, a man like Jesus who fully oriented himself to what was asked of him in his time.
What haunting lines.
"Orienting my life fully and completely towards what seems to be required of a man like me at a time like this."
May God give you grace this week to reorient your life away from the quest of project-self and into a life of love. May he show you what’s required of a man like you in the times you find yourself in.
God has entrusted these troubled, anxious, divided, and contentious times to men like you.
Let’s meet them with presence and love.
Thanks for reading,
Cheers
Jon.
