what to do with the time you have left
“If we know what we truly regret, we know what we truly value. Regret, that maddening, perplexing, and undeniably real emotion, points the way to a life well lived.”
Daniel Pink
“Be very careful, then, how you live, not as unwise but as wise, making the most of every opportunity, because the days are evil.”
Ephesians 5:15-16
My parents are visiting from Australia for a couple of months right now.
They tell me it’s the last trip to the States they will be making. So, I’m sitting and talking with my Dad this week, trying to understand his story, and in some way, help make more sense of my own. He’s about to turn eighty, and I’m about to turn fifty. Two milestones, separated by a generation, but both demanding deep reflection.
Sitting with an aging parent changes you. You become clearer about what really matters. You stop talking about ambition or achievement and start reflecting on the importance of getting the final days right. This is difficult because at this point in both of our lives, I am sure we would both go back and do things differently. Both of us, in our own stories, wish there was more time and space to skillfully navigate the complexities we have faced as men.
But as sober as these moments can be, they are not moments of pure regret or despair. There is no pining for the good old days. There is a sense that there is more work to do, and still time to get things done, and by the grace of God, changes can be made.
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Bronnie Ware was an Australian Palliative care worker who spent eight years working with patients in the last three to twelve weeks of their lives. During this time, she witnessed consistent patterns in the regrets expressed by dying patients from a wide variety of backgrounds. Here are the top five deathbed regrets as she recorded them.
“I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.”
“I wish I hadn’t worked so hard.” (Every single man said this)
“I wish I’d had the courage to express my feelings.”
“I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.”
“I wish that I had let myself be happier.”
Now, this is a short list, but when you look across at your almost 80-year-old father and are approaching 50 yourself, it hits different. This list stirs your heart to action. It reframes your remaining days as days of urgency and opportunity. It shakes you awake from the delusion of unlimited time.
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My father was 50 when I moved to America, and I was 20. Now, sitting here approaching that age, with my own son now 25, I see these 28 years of life here in America stretched out before me as a witness to the goodness of God and the hardness of life. Looking at my Father and realizing soon I will be sitting here at his age, my own son feeling what I do now, a deep resolve rises in me.
I don’t want the common regrets of the dying.
I don’t want to live by the obligations and expectations others put on me rooted in their vision for my life.
I don’t want to work to survive while the hearts of those I love slowly withdraw from a driven man.
I want to share what I honestly feel and stop self-censoring because I want to be liked or approved by those around me.
I want deep friendships, the ones where you share the whole of your heart and the glory and pain of life.
I want to live a life that pleases God, in spite of what the culture says will make me happy.
James R. Sherman once wrote, “You can’t go back and make a new start, but you can start right now and make a brand new ending.”
That line has been marinating in my heart this week. It captures both the honesty and the hope of the gospel. Because, as followers of Jesus, you don’t have to get caught up trying to pull some kind of earthly pleasure out of your final days; you can live with the grace of repentance and shape the ones you have left. Yes, it's true that you can't undo your past, or erase the failures, the wasted years, and the regrets, but grace lets you start again. You can’t undo how your story began, but you can decide how it ends. The gift of repentance is godly fuel for the time we have left.
In Mere Christianity, C. S. Lewis said...
“We all want progress. But progress means getting nearer to the place where you want to be. And if you have taken a wrong turning, then to go forward does not get you any nearer, the man who turns back soonest is the most progressive man.”
That’s such a beautiful picture of how to redeem our time. For the follower of Jesus, progress comes by turning back. The world tells men my age to push harder, keep going, and strive. But sometimes, the bravest thing a man can do is stop and choose a future based on the invitation to turn back to the path of life and resolve that no matter what has gotten lost along the way, you will recover and return with the gift of your remaining days.
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The older I get, the more I see how deceptive momentum can be.
You can build a career, lead a ministry, raise a family, and still drift into the things that do not matter. You can build bigger barns of every kind while slowly losing your soul. The calendar fills, responsibilities grow, and without noticing it, you end up moving faster in the wrong direction. In our world today, we so often confuse activity with success, but God measures our lives by godly fruit, not the frenzy of our modern schedules. That’s why moments like this with my parents are a gift. The gift of perspective. The gift of presence. The gift to number my days and gain a heart of wisdom.
So, how do you make the most of the days we have left and choose a different ending? Here are a few things I have been thinking about this week:
First, realign your life with God’s story. You don’t get a new story by trying harder. You get one by returning to the Author. Ask Him where you’ve drifted and what practical steps of obedience will open new doors for the days ahead.
Second, resolve to live with eternity in view. We live in a culture obsessed with the trappings of success, performance, metrics, and reputation. But eternity puts everything back into proportion. As Luther said, “Live this day, in light of that day.”
Third, practice daily repentance. Turning back isn’t a one-off act; it’s a lifestyle. Every day, ask yourself, “Am I becoming more like Christ, or just more efficient at what doesn’t truly matter?" "Am I walking the path of life or the path of future regret?"
Fourth, make your legacy the lives of others. Bill Perkins notes in Die with Zerothat at the end of our lives, what really matters are moments of wonder and joy with the people we love, not what we accumulate or accomplish. Invest more in the people you love.
Finally, stay near the cross. That’s where endings become beginnings. That’s where Jesus meets us with fresh grace to begin the task of following Him again. Think of all the disciples whom Jesus restored and reoriented through His death and resurrection. He wants to do that for you, too.
Paul wrote to the Ephesians, “Be very careful, then, how you live, not as unwise but as wise, making the most of every opportunity, because the days are evil.”
I want to leverage the days I have left with love and care because that’s what my Dad has done with his time on earth. Although his body is slowing, his soul is alive. He still has a vision for evangelism, unity in the church, and prayer. Life has not made him bitter, and he has hope that these final days can be full of kingdom fruit.
As I look fifty in the face, that’s what I want. The rewards of the righteous, not the regrets of the dying. I want to be the kind of man who lives the last chapters of his life with more grace, humility, and wonder than the first.
I want to shape that kind of ending…starting now.
Hoping you get this gift of perspective in a way that matters to you this week.
Cheers.
Jon.
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Discussion Questions:
When you think about regret, what moments or choices come up in your heart? What do they show you about what actually matters most to you
Which of Bronnie Ware’s five deathbed regrets stand out to you right now, and why do you think that specific one stirs you?
Ephesians 5 says to “make the most of every opportunity.” What parts of your life do you think you’ve been wasting, delaying, or avoiding, and what might redeeming that time look like?
Where have you mistaken momentum for progress? What would “turning back” look like in that area?
If you could start shaping a better ending to your story today, what small but important step would you take right now?