resetting your standards as a man

“Create a posse of dead people. Create an entourage of heroes.

Put their pictures on your wall, and keep them in your mind.”

David Brooks

“Walk with the wise and become wise…”

Proverbs 13:20

I am writing this from Bethlehem, Pennsylvania. 

It's one of my favorite places on earth. It's one of the most scenic places in America at Christmas and is stacked against the now-defunct steel mills of Bethlehem Steel, haunted by the sounds of Springsteen singing about the struggles of the everyday man. 

It's also the Moravian Settlement named by Count Zinzendorf on Christmas Eve, 1741. 

I come here a couple of times a year to remind myself that the decline of the Western Church is neither normal nor inevitable. I come here to remind myself that every now and then, in the middle of redemptive history, a group of disciples read the gospels with fresh eyes, and their radical discipleship wakes the church and awakens the world. I come here because the Moravians came here. 

David Brooks discusses the importance of having a reference point in our minds of the heroes we seek to imitate. Sociologists tell us that the common reference point for most people is their college friends. These are the ones we track with and compare our lives to.

They often determine our sense of worth, whether we are ahead or behind, successful or struggling, and what we need to do to keep up. Most people use their college friends as a reference point because they see life from a narrow perspective, assuming the best people to learn from and measure ourselves by are our peers.

But scripture calls us to expand our vision and measure ourselves not by the people of our age but by the heroes of our faith. Hebrew 13:7 says...

“Remember your leaders, who spoke the word of God to you. Consider the outcome of their way of life and imitate their faith.”

One of the most helpful things I have done over the years is shed the sociological comparisons of our age and go back into redemptive history to be mentored by those whose fruit and faithfulness I long to see.

I consider the outcomes of leaders from the past, ask what they saw in the scriptures, what they experienced in the Spirit, and how they stepped out to follow in radical faith. 

Then, I seek to imitate that. 

This can have a radical reorienting effect on our faith.

Instead of asking how I can keep up with the income levels of my peers, I'm drawn to asking how to build a culture of prayer like the Moravians.

Instead of asking how I can live a balanced life, I ask how I can leverage what God has given me as Wesley did.

Instead of asking how to make my life more comfortable, I ask how I can be more courageous like Polycarp, who gave his life as a martyr and played the man.

I think this is incredibly important for men.

The mentors and heroes we choose will shape the lives we live, dreams we envision, and risks we take. 

Your normal will be set by the culture or the kingdom. 

I want biblical norms to shape my life.

That's why places like Bethlehem, leaders like Zinzendorf, and communities like the Moravians matter to me. They fill me with faith, expand my vision of the worthiness of Jesus, and shatter the illusion of the American dream.

The author of Hebrews understood how these shape our vision of life.

"We do not want you to become lazy but to imitate those who, through faith and patience, inherit what has been promised."

Without the right standards, we become lazy. We stop pressing in for the promises and shrink back to mediocrity. Most men get bored and lazy because they are not given a vision to summon their strength or a challenge to call them out of comfort. 

So, why not build a council of wisdom from your heroes from the past and let them stir and inspire you to press into your full inheritance next year?

Create your posse of dead people.
Hang with a new entourage of heroes.
Keep the right reference points in your mind. 

Let your standards be set by scripture and history, not sociology and celebrity. 

This past year, I started reading the 30-plus volumes of Andrew Murray's collected works. Their impact on me has been profound. Through his writing, I have gained more than any other book I read this year and feel like I have been mentored by someone who knows Jesus in a way I have yet to encounter.

This year, I also had William Carey, Howard Thurman, Zinzendorf, and Henri Nouwen mentor me from the past. 

Expand your circle of heroes.
Find the fruit from faithful lives.
Create an invisible council that spurs you on next year.

It can be as simple as writing down five names, reading five quick biographies, and analyzing key lessons from their lives.

You can even take a moment now and jot some down to explore over the holidays.

Who? Why? What fruit or faithfulness can they teach you?

1.____________________________________________
2.____________________________________________
3.____________________________________________
4.____________________________________________
5.____________________________________________

We are not limited to the wisdom of our age; we can walk with the wisdom from redemptive history.

Here's to a year of replacing sociology with redemptive history and being mentored by those who can call us into the life with Jesus we long for.

See you in the circle. 

Cheers.

Jon.

remembering to take your shoes off

"Always be on the lookout for the presence of wonder."

E. B. White

"We must pay the most careful attention, therefore, to what we have heard, so that we do not drift away."

Hebrews 2:1

Socrates said, "The unexamined life is not worth living."

As often as we have heard this, we often fail to implement it. 

No man wants to live a worthless life.

So, as we move toward the end of 2024, rather than getting sucked into the vortex of the Christmas season, it’s important to reflect and examine who we have become over the past year.

I was reminded this morning of a few lines from Elizabeth Barrett Browning's classic poem Aurora Leigh:

Earth’s crammed with heaven,
And every common bush afire with God;
But only he who sees, takes off his shoes.

In the world today, we are not in a crisis of experience; we are in a crisis of perception. Life is ablaze, yet we are often blind to the flames.

Jesus was often grieved that the people of His day could not see the wonder and kingdom in their midst. In His frustration, he said, 

‘Though seeing, they do not see; though hearing, they do not hear or understand.’
Matthew 13:13

If Jesus was on social media, that would probably be His only post. 

I want to see the common things ablaze with God.
I want to see the work of God crammed into my daily life.
I want to take off my shoes in holy awe that God is in this place.

So, at this time of year, I begin to go back through my photos and memories and look for the moments that mattered over the past year.

To be honest, it's been a remarkable year for me. I released a new book called Fighting Shadows, a course for dads with daughters called Raising Resilient Daughters, two courses for Art of Teaching, a couple of seasons of Awaken Network Podcast, married off my son, preached in Australia, Iceland, and Scotland, and fell more in love with what God is doing in our church in New York than ever before.

It's also been a challenging year. Friends leaving the city, ministry criticism, the long miles of distance from my family in Australia, and unexpected financial costs—it’s been a year of both rejoicing and weeping, living fully into both sides of my heart.

But after looking through hundreds of events, thousands of photos, and reflecting on the presence of God amidst it all, some moments rose to the surface. 

Some made me take my shoes off in awe.

The Response to Luke LeFevre’s Sermon at Altars
A young man in his twenties preached at our conference on revival, and the response of the public confession of sin, the fear of God, and genuine repentance lasted six hours. It was a glimpse of what is possible in a move of God.

The Fighting Shadows Book Tour
I met two young men whose father had recently died. They asked me to sign their copy of the book (always feels weird) and write a note of encouragement. An hour later, they came back in shock. "You literally wrote the last thing our Dad said to us before he died." They felt seen and known by God. 

The Awe of God at the Hebrides Revival Conference
I had the joy of preaching at the Hebrides Revival Conference in Stornoway, but the highlight was Pastor Donna's prayer on Saturday night. God's presence came with such force; it was a visitation of awe. We literally did not know how to respond. God comes where He’s wanted, and God does what He wants when He gets there.

Marrying My Son to Mai
The final culmination of the Primal Path: launching a new family. What a day of rejoicing. People gathered from three countries—my parents from Australia and people who have known Nate and Mai since birth. They took their vows, and we took over the dance floor. Tears of joy, overflowing hearts, feasting like kings—a taste of heaven on earth. I could not be more proud of my son Nate, and we could not be more thrilled to have Mai in our family.

Going Back to the Old Butcher Shop in Australia
I had the chance, while preaching in Oz, to visit the butcher shop where I worked as a teenager. It was here that I learned to seek God. It was here that I learned to hold my ground. It was here that I pleaded with God to open a door to America. 

As I reflect on how He answered those prayers these 27 years later, I stand in awe at how far He has bought me, how rich His mercy, and how free His grace. I am now praying for open doors for my sixties.
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TAKE OF YOUR SHOES

I know that taking time to reflect can be hard, and how to do this can be overwhelming, so I created an end-of-year reflection PDF for you. Just click the button at the bottom of this email to download it. 

I hope it lets you see how goodness and mercy have been following you this past year. 

And as you move forward…

I pray God gives you eyes to see a life marked by His beauty, faithfulness, and presence. 
I pray you see His fingerprints on the days and months of 2024.
I pray you get a vision to become all flame, all ears, and all eyes next year.

Here, with bare feet and holy awe.

Cheers.

Jon

I was stunned by what happened when my daughter called me this week

"Empathy is a connection; it’s a ladder out of the shame hole."

Brené Brown

"Therefore the LORD longs to be gracious to you; therefore He rises to show you compassion."

Isaiah 30:18

I was sitting in a pastoral meeting this week when my phone rang. It was my daughter. 

When Haley calls, I always pick up the phone.

If you are a girl dad, you know that your heart rate rises just a touch whenever you see that name on the screen.

Even though my daughter is a beautiful, competent, and confident young woman, it’s hard to let those protective instincts go. And the fact that we live in New York and she is in Tennessee makes me feel every mile of distance when the phone rings. 

"G’day Haley, how’s it going?" I asked.
"Dad, I’ve just been in a car accident, and I wanted to call you and let you know."

Dang.

"Is everyone ok?" I asked.
"Yeah, everyone is fine, and the cars aren’t too bad."

And then she started to cry.

Nothing moves my heart like my daughter’s tears. Every man knows that a daughter’s tears are the most potent force in the world. For these, a dad will rise, fight, drop to his knees, or weep. Something primal stirs when my daughter cries.

But what she said next absolutely stunned me.

"I am calling you so I can cry because I have never been in an accident before and am not sure what to do. But after I am done crying and talking to you, I am going to pull myself together, talk with the people in the other car, and handle it like a grown woman. I am crying to you so I can be strong in front of them."

RAISING RESILIENT DAUGHTERS

Earlier this year, I released a course for dads called Raising Resilient Daughters. In it, I lay out a framework for building a deep connection, instilling comfort, and then learning to help your daughter handle the challenges of life. 

But the most important part of the course is what I call the Critical Moment. 

This is the point where your daughter faces something she doesn’t know how to deal with. If you build the connection well, in that critical moment, she will return to you with her issues without fear of judgment, the need to hide, or the presence of shame. She will come to you with her issues, not hide them from you.

This is why my daughter’s call stunned me.

Here she was on the side of the interstate, facing something heavy, hundreds of miles from home, and her first thought was to call me for comfort and courage.

After I talked her through how to handle the insurance and navigate the conversation, she hung up, got out of her car, and worked it through.

But after she hung up, I cried.

This was the kind of call I dreamed about as a dad. That my daughter would see me as a source of comfort in crisis, a man who can give her courage, and one who would help her face the drama on her own and walk back into the world.
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I got so many things wrong as a dad along the way, and struggled so many times wondering if my effort was going to make any difference. But this week, with a phone call from the side of the interstate in Tennessee, I realized all the sacrifice was worth it, and that the quote we looked at every day when I was discipling her in high school had moved from her head to her heart.

"Here is the world, beautiful and terrible things will happen, don’t be afraid."

Here was one of those terrible things, but she had the connection she needed to face it without fear.

Dads, the work you put in to love and serve your daughters will be worth it. The seeds of joy and love you are sowing now will reap the kind of fruit in adulthood that will make you weep.

I’m here for the tears, fellas.

Thanks for reading.

Cheers.

Jon

the leper who came back

“When a person doesn't have gratitude, something is missing in his or her humanity.”

Elie Wiesel

“In everything give thanks; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.”
1 Thessalonians 5:18

It's Thanksgiving in the United States this week.

Every year, we head down South to be with my In-laws to remember the goodness of God for the year. So, I am writing this from Gatlinburg, the health capital of Tennessee, eating Funnel Cake and biscuits. I love the South.

Thanksgiving has always been my favorite American holiday. 

My first Thanksgiving was spent watching the Dallas Cowboys play football while I ate a cold plate of food in a stranger's apartment in Florida, while the girl I was dating tended to her sick sister. I married that girl, and I’ve been grateful ever since.

Turns out there is power in gratitude.

Researchers tell us….

Gratitude reduces a multitude of toxic emotions, from envy and resentment to frustration and regret. It increases happiness and reduces depression. Gratitude reduces social comparisons, is a major factor in resilience, and can help reduce PTSD symptoms. It lowers blood pressure, helps with sleep, and can boost theimmune system.

The word gratitude is derived from the Latin word gratia, which means grace, graciousness, or gratefulness. It is simply turning back to God to thank Him for all He has done.

The root of all idolatry is refusing to be grateful (Rom 1:21). Honestly, it’s a staggering lack of perspective. We live in a world we did not create, function in a body we didn’t make, breathe air we didn’t supply, and are recipients of constant grace. The least we could do is say thanks.

I often reflect on the healing of the ten with leprosy in Luke 17. Ten were healed and ran to check with the priests, but one, realizing he was clean, returned to Jesus to say thanks. It recounts,

“One of them, when he saw he was healed, came back, praising God in a loud voice. He threw himself at Jesus’ feet and thanked him—and he was a Samaritan.”

I want to be a man who throws himself down with thanks. I want to raise a loud voice of praise. I want to be the one leper who comes back when the others enjoy their healing. 

My gratitude mentor is the grateful Samaritan.
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As you celebrate Thanksgiving this year, rather than getting drawn into a fight over politics, why not zoom out and remember how good God has been? 

Here is a list of 100 questions to ask so you can get started: List of Questions to Generate Gratitude

As I celebrate my 27th Thanksgiving in the US, I am reminded that God is good, and life itself is grace.

Happy Thanksgiving, friends.

Cheers.

Jon. 
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In Today’s Newsletter

• Verses to cultivate gratitude

• Quotes to ponder

• Book recommendations this month

• Music I am grateful for

• Poems to cultivate gratitude

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VERSES TO CULTIVATE GRATITUDE

“Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.”
Lamentations 3:22-23 

“So then, just as you received Christ Jesus as Lord, continue to live your lives in him, rooted and built up in him, strengthened in the faith as you were taught, and overflowing with thankfulness.”
Colossians 2:6-7

“One of them, when he saw he was healed, came back, praising God in a loud voice. He threw himself at Jesus’ feet and thanked him—and he was a Samaritan.”
Luke 17:15-16

“Give thanks to the Lord, for he is good. His love endures forever.”
Psalm 136:1

QUOTES TO PONDER

“Gratitude is happiness doubled by wonder.”
G.K. Chesterton.

“In ordinary life, we hardly realize that we receive a great deal more than we give and that it is only with gratitude that life becomes rich.”
Dietrich Bonhoeffer

“Gratitude goes beyond the 'mine' and 'thine' and claims the truth that all of life is a pure gift. In the past I always thought of gratitude as a spontaneous response to the awareness of gifts received, but now I realize that gratitude can also be lived as a discipline. The discipline of gratitude is the explicit effort to acknowledge that all I am and have is given to me as a gift of love, a gift to be celebrated with joy.”
Henri Nouwen

“Gratitude bestows reverence, allowing us to encounter everyday epiphanies, those transcendent moments of awe that change forever how we experience life and the world.”
John Milton

BOOKS RECOMMENDATIONS FOR THIS MONTH

You Are Not Alone: A Guide To Following Jesus In A Secular Age by Phil Manginelli

This is probably my favorite, most accessible one-volume book on discipleship and secularism. It is practical, inspiring, and rich.

More…

For two thousand years, Christians have wrestled with significant theological challenges. Why now has deconstruction been a new phenomenon consuming our generation? The history of the church has faced difficult conversations around belief. Why now are we reimagining the historical positions of our faith?

What is happening that has led to a seismic collapse in Western Christianity?

The answer is because we are the first followers of Jesus in a secular age, and hidden in our Christian stories is the presence of another kingdom. Like a ghost in the atmosphere, it has been shaping us, creating the allegiances we didn’t know we were making. Our generation is in crisis because of the lies of secularism, and we must no longer hand them over.

You Are Not Alone is a guide to understanding our cultural moment and rediscovering a faith that can flourish in a new world.

Living in Wonder: Finding Mystery and Meaning in a Secular Age By Rod Dreher

This is a deep and surprisingly supernatural look at restoring wonder in a secular age. It is heady, almost hard to believe, but hopeful. I love Dreher, and this did not disappoint. 

More…

The West has become "disenchanted"--closed to the idea that the universe contains the supernatural, the metaphysical, or the non-material. Christianity is in crisis. People today are leaving the Church because faith has become dry and lifeless. But people aren't leaving faith for atheism. They are still searching for the divine, and it might just be right under their noses.

In Living in Wonder, thought leader, cultural critic, and New York Times bestselling author Rod Dreher shows you how to encounter and embrace wonder in the world. In his trademark mixture of analysis, reporting, and personal story, Dreher brings together history, cultural anthropology, neuroscience, and the ancient Church to show you--no matter your religious affiliation--how to reconnect with the natural world and the Great Tradition of Christianity so you can relate to the world with more depth and connection.

Insight: The Surprising Truth About How Others See Us, How We See Ourselves, and Why the Answers Matter More Than We Think by Tasha Eurich

This book was incredible. It was packed with insights about self-awareness and perception, and I left realizing how much I have to grow as a leader.

More…

Research shows that self-awareness—knowing who we are and how others see us—is the foundation for high performance, smart choices, and lasting relationships. There’s just one problem: most people don’t see themselves quite as clearly as they could.

Fortunately, reveals organizational psychologist Tasha Eurich, self-awareness is a surprisingly developable skill. Integrating hundreds of studies with her own research and work in the Fortune 500 world, she shows us what it really takes to better understand ourselves on the inside—and how to get others to tell us the honest truth about how we come across.

MUSIC I AM LOVING

Music For Psychedelic Therapy by Jon Hopkins

This is the best album for deep work I have heard in a while. It's an immersive journey. It's a bit new age but just filter that out. 

Son of Dad by Stephen Wilson Jr

I don’t like country music, but I love this album, though. Wilson calls it Death Cab for Country, and you can tell. I love this at a primal level. The songs are elite and full of passion. 

Miles in France 1963 & 1964 - Miles Davis Quintet: The Bootleg Series, Vol. 8

This is musical genius, folks. Miles Davis performing live in Paris. Enough said.

POETRY 

DRIVING TO TOWN LATE TO MAIL A LETTER BY ROBERT BLY
It is a cold and snowy night. 
The main street is deserted. 
The only things moving are swirls of snow. 
As I lift the mailbox door, 
I feel its cold iron. 
There is a privacy I love in this snowy night. 
Driving around, I will waste more time.

AT THE CATHEDRAL’S FOOT BY ADAM ZAGAJEWSKI
In June once, in the evening, returning from a long trip, 
with memories of France’s blooming trees still fresh in our minds, 
its yellow fields, green plane trees sprinting before the car, 
we sat on the curb at the cathedral’s foot and spoke softly about disasters, 
about what lay ahead, the coming fear, 
and someone said this was the best we could do now— 
to talk of darkness in that bright shadow.

MY CUP BY ROBERT FRIEND
They tell me I am going to die. 
Why don’t I seem to care? 
My cup is full. Let it spill.

hospitality for hostile times

“Do not forget to show hospitality to strangers, for by so doing, some people have shown hospitality to angels without knowing it."

Hebrews 13:2

"An environment of welcome + a transformation of identity = a new humanity."

Beautiful Resistance

Last night, I had dinner with some new friends that lasted five hours.

Seated around a table at Selah Springs Ranch in Brady, Texas, I laughed until it hurt, felt my heart moved with compassion, and learned things about the stories of others that filled me with joy. 

Texas and New York are different worlds. In some ways, the cultures feel like they belong in two different countries. Yet, with people I barely knew, some I had just met, and some older friends, I felt my heart moved. 

I have not felt my heart open towards others that much since I can remember. 

The dinner was framed as an “Intentional Dinner.”

Each person brought one question to ask the table designed to help us learn about and understand each other that evening.

Here are the questions we asked that carried us well into the night:

• If you could return to any memory of your childhood, when would it be, and why?

• What do you like most about yourself?

• If you could be an expert at something for thirty days, and then your expertise disappeared, what would it be and why?

• If you only got to know Jesus and what He offers in this life and nothing in eternity, would you still follow Him?

• What was the first moment that you knew for certain God was real, and was it what you expected it to be?

• What is one thing about yourself you want to change over the next ten years?

• What is the single greatest moment you have experienced with your child (or you remember experiencing with your parent/s)?

• What is one purchase you could make now that would satisfy your inner child?

• What’s your least popular opinion?

Over crispy chicken thighs, baked garlic butter rolls, sweet potato medallions, vinegar beans, buttermilk pie, and Bluebell ice cream, I drank from the cup of hospitality until my heart was full.

The church talks about “the table” a lot; some churches even name themselves “The Table,” but last night, I felt the power of the table.

One quote I have used and returned to over the years is from The Divine Commodity by Skye Jethani, where he writes…

“The English word hospitality originates from the same Latin root as the word hospital. A hospital is literally a ‘home for strangers.’ Of course, it has come to mean a place of healing. There is a link between being welcomed and being healed.” 

He continues…

“Our homes are to be hospitals—refuges of healing radiating the light of heaven. And our dinner tables are to be operating tables—the place where broken souls are made whole again….When we lower our defenses, when we remove our façades and our peepholes, and we begin to be truly present with one another—then the healing power of the gospel can begin its work.”

Last night, around a table of friends, some scar tissue from my heart was removed. The healing power of the gospel once again did its work.
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As the election approaches here in the US, I am again reminded of our society's broken and fractured nature. I can’t think of a more practical way to begin healing our cultural divides than the table.

Jesus’ use of hospitality was one of His most powerful tools for forming a new humanity out of the cultural chaos of His day. Welcomed to His feast were tax collectors and zealots, Pharisees and prostitutes, the lepers and the lost.

Jesus believed that by creating an atmosphere of welcome for all, He could help transcend cultural debates and humanize the other, enabling the kingdom of God to move forward.

While watching the forthcoming movie Bonhoeffer, there is a powerful scene towards the end of the film where Bonhoeffer is serving communion before he faces his death. He invites one of the Nazi guards, a believer, to join them. Amidst the pain and the protest, Bonhoeffer says, 

“It is not our table; it is the Lord’s, and He has invited us all.”

You have a choice about how you will be remembered in our time of cultural division and crisis: as one who furthers hatred and division or as one who models another way. Jesus created space at His table for you, and we have an obligation to invite others.

Is it time for you to host an intentional dinner? 
Is it time to create a place of hospitality in the middle of a culture of hostility?

Why not…

Prepare the questions.
Invite the guestlist.
Ready the food.

Hospitality may be the church's best weapon in the middle of the culture war.

Thanks for reading.

Cheers.

Jon.

prayer as love

"If we truly love people, we will desire for them far more than it is within our power to give them, and this will lead us to prayer: Intercession is a way of loving others."

Richard J. Foster

"When you pray, say, Our Father."

Jesus

I was reminded again this week of the power of a father's prayer. 

Fathers often feel overwhelmed by the complexities of parenting in the modern age. 

When do we have all the crucial conversations? 
How do we stay relationally connected? 
How do we disciple our kids without driving them away? 

With sports schedules, homework, new friends, dating, and a ton of extracurricular activities accelerating at a blistering pace, how can we know we have done enough? 
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Many of you know parts of my story, but one of the key aspects that doesn’t get enough attention is the role my father played in my conversion. 

As a teenager, both my parents were busy and had a ton of responsibilities in making life work. Around the age of 14, I started hanging out with the wrong crowd in high school, and it went downhill from there. My parents did what they could to appeal to my heart and motivate me to change, but it didn’t seem to work. As a father myself, I can now understand the pain and anxiety my parents must have felt, and the grief and heartache they experienced. It’s a part of my own story that I deeply regret.

However, despite my parents' noble efforts, including discipline and boundaries, things only got worse. They were losing my heart; they were losing me.

At the end of his rope, and from a motivation of love and pain, my father got desperate. He made a decision that changed my life forever. He resolved to… 

"Do in prayer what he couldn’t do in person."

If I wouldn’t listen to him or follow his direction, he would simply bring me before God with fasting and prayer. 

My father’s prayers were not small prayers—the kind that feel good but do nothing. These were prayers of desperation and destiny, covenant and call. 

He would pray in my room.
He would pray over my schedule.
He would pray when I left the house. 

He pleaded from a place of heartache and prayed with all his might. 

Then, God laid a promise on his heart for me from Isaiah 59:21.

"As for me, this is my covenant with them," says the LORD. "My Spirit, who is on you, will not depart from you, and my words that I have put in your mouth will always be on your lips, on the lips of your children, and on the lips of their descendants—from this time on and forever," says the LORD."

He cried to God that I would leave my life of sin, turn towards God, get new friends, and serve the Lord.

I didn’t know it at the time, but something began to change in my heart. Within a year, my life was unrecognizable. I stumbled into a church and was radically converted. I sensed a call to ministry and rebuilt my entire life around the kingdom of God. The Spirit did not depart from me; the word of the Lord was on my lips. 

My life has been defined by his prayers.

I now get to pastor in New York, write, speak, and mentor other leaders, but the fruit of all that has happened in my life came from the prayers of a desperate dad.
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Why not resolve to fast one meal/day a week for your children and give that time to God in prayer? There is destiny-shaping power when a father resolves in prayer. 

Do in prayer what you cannot do in person.

My father did in prayer what he couldn’t do in person, and you can, too. Instead of nagging, demanding, punishing, or yelling, why not bring your kids to God? He alone has the power to change their hearts, and He can do it when there is distance and discouragement in your relationships with your kids.

Prayer is the fulcrum a father can lean on to shape his family.

Why not take a moment, even right now, to lean on God for your kids?

Prayer can reach prodigals in faraway lands and older brothers in the field. It can open hearts, eyes, and doors of destiny.

History is shaped through prayer; your family can be, too.

Do in prayer what you cannot do in person.

That will be enough. 

Cheers.

Jon.

form versus game

“A warrior culture trains for adversity.
Luxury and ease are the goals advertised to the civilian world.”
Steven Pressfield

"I want you to hit me as hard as you can."

Tyler Durden.

“Do not suppose that I have come to bring peace to the earth.

I did not come to bring peace, but a sword."

Jesus

Both of my kids have black belts in Taekwondo.

It took them years to earn them, and watching them train was a major part of my journey as a dad.

Some dads coach soccer. I watched my kids punch through plywood boards. New York is its own place :)

I learned so much about discipleship from the sweaty little studio across the street from our apartment where my kids trained.

I learned about the importance of consistency (most kids quit in yellow belt), the importance of practice (bad training repeated calcifies bad habits), and the psychology of progress (peer recognition in advancing in belt colors does more than nagging ever can).

Yet, over the years, one thing has stood out to me more than the others about their training, and I have been reflecting on it deeply the last few weeks.

I’ll call it FORM versus GAME.

Form, and forms, are the core moves and techniques required to pass each belt test and move on to the next belt.

There is an almost endless process of learning how to punch, kick, strike, hold, and throw. Each move is broken down and taught one-on-one. Then you have to combine them together in such a way that you master the forms (It's very similar to learning an entire dance (you can get the idea in this 2-minute video Taekwondo Basic Form).

Each belt test requires you to show mastery of the forms. 

When the kids do their forms, it's beautiful and inspiring. They seem to move as one, a tight-knit group kicking and punching the air with precision.

Some kids have a knack for memorizing forms; others grind it out. My kids worked hard and caught on quickly.

Forms look amazing in tests and powerful when done together, but forms are not fighting. The point of the form is not the form. The point of the form is to train you to fight. 
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In the book, A Fighter's Mind, Sam Sheridan discusses what makes a fighter's thinking and psychology different from those of the typical person.

He calls it game. The idea of this is common in our culture but almost absent in the church.

When we ask if someone is willing to do something, a reply we often give is, “I’m game.”

Game in our culture is a willingness to try, to jump in, to have a go.

Game in fighting is a little different. It’s a willingness to be punched in the face, to embrace the pain and fear, to lean into the fight and not cower in fear.

The church today trains people in forms, but it has lost the concept of game.

We have Bible form, prayer form, fasting form, serving form, volunteer form, community form, but what we don’t have is game. So little of what we talk about on Sundays shows up in real life. 

People have forgotten that the point of practice is not the practice itself but to prepare us to follow Jesus in the real world. 
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I'll never forget the first time my daughter shifted from forms to sparring.  At first, they don't let the white belts fight because they don’t know how to. But soon enough they square you up with someone of the same belt and tell you to fight.

I remember the first time someone hit her hard in the head. It was hard for me to watch. A look of total shock flashed across her face. Somehow, while learning to punch and kick, she never connected that she would have to punch and kick other people. She had taken ballet before, and she was good, but this was different.

The point of the forms was to learn how to actually fight.

The goal was game, not form. She learned this the hard way.

My daughter quickly adjusted and got good fast. My son did, too. But Haley had a kind of instinct that kicked in. At one point, the head instructor (World Champion Blackbelt) stopped the class when Haley was sparring and said to everyone… 

“Watch Haley; she is doing a ballet of violence.”

A Ballet of Violence. Form + game.
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I bring this up because our discipleship today is often nothing more than the form. 
We train and train and train but never do. We read and read and read but never obey.

Resonance is not the same as obedience.
Agreeing is not the same as acting. 
Listening is not the same as doing. 

Jesus seemed to be baffled by the emphasis on a form-only based discipleship in His day. 

‘Why do you call me Lord, Lord, and you don’t do what I say? Everyone who hears these words of mine and does not put them into practice is like a foolish man who built his house on sand.”

Form-only discipleship is a foundation of sand, and so many in the church today are being swept away because this foundation won’t stand what we are up against in the world today. 

Dallas Willard said, “The missing note in evangelical life today is not in the first instance spirituality but rather obedience. We have generated a variety of religion to which obedience is not regarded as essential.”
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I love how John Wimber, founder of the Vineyard Movement, was obsessed with doing the stuff. Form was not enough for him.

As Wimber recounts, when he was a new believer, he and his wife Carol visited a church immediately after he had read through the gospel accounts of the life and ministry of Jesus. After the service, John went up to the pastor and asked him:

“So, when do we do the stuff?”

“The ‘stuff’,” said the pastor. “What’s the ‘stuff’?”

“You know,” John replied, “the stuff in the Bible, like healing the sick and casting out demons. The stuff!”

“Oh,” replied the pastor. “We don’t do the stuff. We believe they did it back in biblical days, but we don’t do it today.”

With a rather confused look on his face, John could only say: “And I gave up drugs for this?”

Wimber had game.
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I am not trying to set up a false dichotomy here. 

We need to learn the practice and form of how to follow Jesus. Game without form can be messy, frustrating, and ineffective. But we are not trending in that direction right now. 

The major issue of our time is a willingness to actually do the Jesus stuff.

To not just watch YouTube videos on apologetics but talk to our neighbors about our faith and get in the mess of their questions.

Not just talk about discipleship, but actually get with people who don’t know Jesus and share the gospel, help them cross the line of faith, follow up with them, establish them in the faith, and help them do the same for others. 

To not just talk about loving each other but make room in our schedules and wallets to actually care, listen, give, and help.

We need game in our discipleship.

We need a new instinct not to just read, attend, and listen but to step out in faith and actually do.
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I am so encouraged about what I see Jesus doing to move people beyond the forms of faith and into the mess of discipleship right now.

I see so many in our church in New York praying for the sick in the streets, sharing their faith in the workplace, pouring into new believers on rooftops, and giving sacrificially to those in need.

God is giving His church game again.

God wants to shift you from form to game, too!

God has more for you than just attending, listening, and consuming.

He wants you in the actual fight, living what you believe and doing what He commanded.

David Pytches said, 

Every time someone turns to Christ in repentance, finding forgiveness and eternal life, the kingdom of God is extended. Each time Jesus heals, casts out demons, prevents destruction or raises the dead the kingdom of God is advanced. Every healing or deliverance in the name of Jesus is a curbing of the enemies powers and the frontiers of darkness are pushed back Speaking of his approaching death and triumph through the cross, Jesus said, “now the prince of this world will be driven out.” The process of “driving out” still continues today. We are meant to be actively involved in it.

This is the kind of discipleship our hearts long for.

Game, not just form.

Actively involved in driving back darkness.

I’m praying that God gives you the fighter's mind. 

The instinct to do and not just train. 

To jump in and not just watch. 

To obey and not just hear.

Game, not just form.

Let’s go.

Cheers. 

Jon.

refusing to let your heart grow cold

Because of the increase of wickedness, the love of most will grow cold, but the one who stands firm to the end will be saved.

Matthew 24:12-13

God never makes bloodless stoics; He makes no passionless saints.

Oswald Chambers

When you read the Bible, certain words can jump out at you in certain seasons of your life. This happened to me recently while reading Matthew 24. 

It was the word MOST.

Jesus said that because of the increase in wickedness, the love of most will grow cold. In this context, "most" refers to the majority.  

While everyone is talking about how culture is making us anxious, few are talking about how it makes us indifferent. Wickedness works on the heart to shut love down, and it’s working well.

We live in a world that normalizes sin. What was once renounced as deplorable is celebrated as normal.

Violence is entertainment.
Making love became porn.
Hatred is expected.
Division is normal.
Cynicism is everywhere.

It feels like the whole world has become the Howard Stern show.

Maintaining love for Jesus is hard when this comes at you thousands of times a day. It can make you doubt your convictions and numb your devotion. 

We can become like the Psalmist in Psalm 73...

"Surely in vain I have kept my heart pure and have washed my hands in innocence."

I don’t want wickedness to weaken my heart. I don’t want sin to suffocate my devotion. I don’t want to be in the cold-hearted majority. I want to be in the burning minority.

I am at war with a heart that grows cold.
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Last week, I had the honor of a Zoom call with an author I have admired for almost twenty years. He is in his sixties and has sold millions of books.

He is incredibly well-known in evangelical circles and writes in a way that resonates with my heart on a primal level. 

At the start of the call, he suggested we pray and invite God's presence to be with us. What happened next caught me by surprise. 

Through the screen, I could feel God's presence emanate from him and touch my heart. It was an experience that is hard to explain, but I could feel God coming out of him.

This man has navigated many of the things that dull the heart. 

He has fought off the delusion of success, responded graciously to critics, ignored controversy, and got on with the task of discipleship and formation. His is a heart that is strangely alive.

As we spoke, I was struck by his passion for Jesus, anger at Satan, compassion for people, and hatred for sin. The more he responded to my questions, the more I found one rising in my own heart.

How can I have a heart filled with passion like this when I am in my sixties?

How can I learn to love the right things, hate the wrong things, and burn in such a way that younger men rally to me to warm their cold hearts from the evil of the world?
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The Moravians are one of my redemptive mentors from history. 

If you don’t know about Count Zinzendorf, Herrnhut, the 100-year prayer meeting, or their impact on missions, you owe it to yourself to learn more. (The Lord of the Ring: In Search of Count von Zinzendorf and Christian History Article: Zinzendorf & the Moravians)

They were full of burning passion that still touches the hearts of those who hear about them today. One of their best practices was an idea called "fending off lukewarmness."

Zinzendorf knew that the time to stir the heart wasn’t when it was fully dead but when it was in the earliest stages of decline. He wanted his people to guard their hearts and fight the first sign of lukewarmness as it crept into their hearts. 

We need a new movement of men who will fend off lukewarmness. We need a movement of men who refuse to let wickedness produce heartlessness.

Porn is bad because it dehumanizes women and deforms your desires, but its most harmful effect may be the least talked about. It robs you of passion for Jesus.

Greed is bad because it makes objects into idols and chokes out the Word, but its most harmful effect may be that it robs us of passion for Jesus.

Power is a temptation for us all, the delusion of having others under our control. But its most harmful effect may be that it robs us of passion for Jesus. 
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I am at war with wickedness. The more it increases around me, the more I pursue the beauty of Jesus.

I refuse to let wickedness produce heartlessness. 
I refuse to have a cold heart. 
I refuse a mediocre version of my faith.

Oswald Chambers says, "God never makes bloodless stoics; He makes no passionless saints."

By God’s grace, let us never lack zeal, guard our spiritual fervor, and fend off lukewarmness together.

Here’s to a burning majority who refuse to let their love grow cold.

Thanks for reading,

Cheers.

Jon.

the truth about commitments: what's really worth your time as a man

Where people no longer have the inner daring to make serious promises or the grit to keep them, human community becomes a combat zone of competing self-maximizers.”

Lewis Smedes

Above all, my brothers and sisters, do not swear—not by heaven or by earth or by anything else. All you need to say is a simple “Yes” or “No.” Otherwise, you will be condemned.

James 5:12

I am in the middle of a commitment audit.

I haven’t consciously done this before, but the older I get, the more aware I am of the expanding needs and demands on my life and my finite capacity to meet them. I want to keep the right commitments and let go of the wrong ones. 

If only it were that easy…
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You have probably experienced the joy and frustration of the right and wrong commitments. Have you ever been to an event you agreed to attend, thinking the whole time, “Why did I even say yes to this?” It feels like a waste of time and energy and doesn’t align with any value or vision you have for your life, but you feel obligated and hesitant to say no to not let someone else down.

Commitment creep leads to commitment regret.

You have also probably experienced the joy of making the right commitment: taking your wife on the trip she’s always wanted, showing up for a big game for your kids, or making the long drive for Thanksgiving with people you love. These are the “I would not have missed this for the world” kind of commitments. 

Compelling commitments lead to life and joy.

So, how can we make better commitments that give us life and align with our calling and reject others that are motivated by fear or guilt and empty us?
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Harvard Business Review defines commitment as “actions taken in the present that bind us to a future course.”

The Merriam-Webster definition of commitment is “an agreement or pledge to do something in the future.” 

I like the directional nature of these definitions.  

What we choose now both expands and restricts our horizon of possibility for the days ahead. We decide who we want to be now and follow through in the future. 

In the Bible, the words used for commitment are heavy words.

Commitment is often viewed through a covenantal lens between God and humanity, with our call being one of loyalty, faithfulness, and devotion.

In the Old Testament, the concept of commitment can be found in words like "chazaq" (חָזַק), which means to "strengthen," "grasp," or "hold fast." This appears in contexts where God's people are urged to hold firm to the covenant. Another word is "aman" (אָמַן), often translated as "faithful" or "steadfast," pointing to a kind of trustworthiness in relationships.

The Greek word often used in the New Testament for commitment is "paradidomi" (παραδίδωμι), meaning "to hand over" or "to entrust." It appears in the framework of conviction, stewardship, and sacrifice, showing a deep, relational commitment (think of Jesus in the garden of Gethsemane doing his Father's will and not His own).

Reflecting on these realities reveals that our commitments should mean something and should not be entered into lightly. 

Let your yes be a yes, and your no be no.

Understanding what a commitment is can be one thing; keeping them—another.

Every man should audit his commitments.
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Psychologists tell us that when we make a commitment, it activates the prefrontal cortex, the part of the brain responsible for decision-making and self-control. This activation enhances our sense of responsibility and commitment to fulfilling the promise. We also release dopamine (the chemical responsible for pleasure and motivation.) It makes us feel really good in the moment. However, it’s a short-term reality. It wears off quickly, leaving us unmotivated in the long run, struggling to live out over time, which is what felt so good in the moment.

Ah, commitments; so easy to make, so hard to keep.

• It's easy to tell our wife you will be home at a certain time, and harder to leave work to get through traffic.

• It’s easy to tell our kids we will play with them on Saturday morning, but it's harder to get up when you are exhausted from the week.

• It’s easy to sign up for a men’s morning Bible study, but harder to go to bed early the night before.

• 75 Hard sounds great, but 5 Easy is probably more realistic.

You get the point.

However, when we break our commitment, it can affect us deeply.

We can feel shame, a loss of dignity, and guilt. These feelings can sabotage our relationships with others, cause others to doubt our reliability, and damage our credibility.

I failed to keep a commitment to a mentoring group a while back. Most people didn’t mention it ("Jon is really busy" sort of thing), but I really disappointed a few of the guys. It hurt to let them down, and I was disappointed in myself.

Commitments are so easy to make, so hard to keep, so damaging when we don’t.
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In light of the heaviness of all this, many men hesitate to make commitments. It seems easier to date around on apps rather than commit to a woman, jump from job to job than commit to an employer, and drift from church to church over time. 

However, failing to commit in many ways can be as damaging as breaking our commitments.

A few weeks ago, I was talking with a single woman from our church before services, and she noted some of the work we were doing with Forming Men and Primal Path.

“I hope you are forming commitment in men,” she said.

“I am sick to death of flakey guys.”

Flakey. What a word. What a tragedy.

I don’t want to be a flakey man. I don’t want to form flakey men. But it’s easier said than done. 
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Whenever you start thinking about commitments, you realize it can get overwhelming.

For example, people talk about Intrinsic vs. Extrinsic Commitments, Approach vs. Avoidance Commitments, Behavioral vs. Cognitive Commitments, Personal vs. Collective Commitments, Moral vs. Pragmatic Commitments, and Identity-Based Commitments, to name just a few.

These make me want to commit to not reading about commitments.

So, I tried to reduce my commitments to a few categories to really see what I was giving myself to and how well I was living this out. Here is how I categorized my commitments:

(1)  Covenant Commitments
(2)  Core Commitments
(3)  Casual Commitments
(4)  Cluttered Commitments

1. Covenant Commitments
These represent the highest form of commitment in our spiritual and relational contexts (e.g., marriage, faith, fatherhood). This level signifies binding promises or agreements that deeply shape our lives and decisions. 

To reflect… 

Marriage: Am I fully present and emotionally invested in my marriage, prioritizing my spouse’s needs and well-being? How often do I intentionally nurture this relationship?

Faith: Am I consistently growing in my relationship with God? Do I spend intentional time in prayer, scripture, and community with other believers?

Fatherhood: Am I providing my children spiritual, emotional, and physical support? Do I lead by example in my faith and integrity as a father?

Integrity: Am I keeping my promises, especially in areas requiring long-term devotion, regardless of circumstances or convenience?
   
2. Core Commitments 
These refer to commitments or priorities that form the foundation of your identity and life purpose. These commitments may not be as formal as a covenant, but they are essential to who you are as a person (e.g., family, close friendships, personal mission).

To reflect…

Family: Am I maintaining solid and meaningful connections with extended family members? Do I make time to invest in their lives and support them?

Close Friendships: Do I nurture my closest friendships, regularly checking in and offering support? Am I intentional about maintaining trust and open communication with them?

Personal Mission: Am I living out my personal mission or calling? Does my daily life reflect my core values and long-term goals? Is my life intentional or accidental?

Self-Care: Am I taking care of my physical, emotional, and mental well-being so that I can serve others effectively? Am I putting on my oxygen mask first?

3. Casual Commitments
These are commitments or activities that are important but not life-defining. They might include hobbies, social engagements, or non-binding relationships that don’t require deep investment.

To reflect…

Hobbies: Are my hobbies and interests providing me with joy, relaxation, or personal growth without overtaking more important commitments? Do they help me recharge, or have they become distractions? Do my wife or kids complain about how much time I spend engaging in my hobbies?

Social Engagements: Am I able to maintain balance in my social life without feeling obligated to say “yes” to everything? Do I protect time for deeper commitments when necessary? Am I a yes man, or a maybe man, a prayerful man, a thoughtful man about what I give myself to?

Community Involvement: Am I engaged in casual but meaningful community activities (work events, sports, etc.) that contribute positively to my life? Am I involved without becoming overextended?
     
4. Clutter Commitments
These represent distractions or unnecessary commitments that do not serve your core values or purpose. They may consume time and energy without providing meaningful value. Our world is filled with this sort of thing, which is called “commitment creep.”

Time-Draining Activities: Do I spend significant time on activities that don’t align with my core values or long-term goals (e.g., excessive Netflix, YouTube, social media, or non-productive tasks)? Am I able to identify these distractions?

Obligations from Guilt or Social Pressure: Do I take on commitments out of guilt, fear of missing out, or to meet others’ expectations that don’t align with my priorities? Why?

“Commitment Creep”: Am I allowing small, unnecessary commitments to accumulate and take away from more important ones? Do I struggle to say “no” to things that don’t matter in the bigger picture? What sort of things? Why? What’s my real motivation here?

Emotional Clutter: Are there relationships or activities in my life that drain my emotional energy but don’t bring fulfillment or growth? Have I changed, have others changed, and do things need to be re-evaluated based on future direction?
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You make your commitments, and then your commitments make you.

The older I get, the more I want to live up to my commitments and uncommit from the things Jesus never asked me to do. How about you?

What would your closest people say about how you are fulfilling your commitments?

What do you need to uncommit to in order to fully commit to the more important things?
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I loved Greg McKeown's book Essentialism. It was full of provocative and freeing ideas. But one idea has stayed with me over the years. It was one of his filters for making commitments. He writes:

“We need to learn the slow ‘yes’ and the quick ‘no.”

The slow yes.

That’s the filter I am using moving forward.

I want to make godly commitments, and I want to keep them well. I need to make them without pressure, fear of missing out, guilt, shame, ungodly obligation, and anxiety.

The slow yes, the deep yes, the truly committed yes.

Then, everything else is a no.

Hoping this gives you some vision and tools to do your own personal commitment audit.

May God give you grace to know what matters most so you can give yourself fully to it.

Cheers.

Jon. 

creating windows of excellence

"Greatness is not a function of circumstance.

Greatness, it turns out, is largely a matter of conscious choice, and discipline."
Jim Collins

"Freedom is only part of the story and half the truth. That is why I recommend that the Statue of Liberty on the East Coast be supplanted by a Statue of Responsibility on the West Coast."

Viktor Frankl

One of the great aches we face today is the ache of futility. 

We are constantly bombarded with such large challenges and issues that our lives can seem small and insignificant. 

Does anything we do really make a difference to anyone at all? 

Does God care, do our families care, do our churches care, and do our employers care? 

Below the surface of so much of the activity and forced smiles can be the sense that there isn’t really any point to anything we do.

We address this in Fighting Shadows, but I want to speak into it again here.

Part of the reason we feel this sense of futility is that it appears we can’t really change anything around us, and it seems nobody cares when we try.

Our choices are shaped by algorithms, our laws by politicians, and our work by bosses. 

It can often feel like our sense of agency is shrinking.

I reflected on this while re-reading Jim Collins' business classic Good to Great. You are probably familiar with some of the book's core concepts (Becoming a Level 5 Leader, The Hedgehog Concept, The Flywheel, etc.), but something different stood out to me this time—something that felt prescient for this moment. 

It was in the Q&A section of the book. It was about how to make a difference when you feel powerless. The dialogue went something like this: 

Q. How can you do something great when you are not in charge? 
Is good work really possible when you are just a cog in the wheel?

Jim Collins' answer:

A. Yes. Create a window of excellence wherever you are.

"Windows of excellence." I love this idea.

In New York City, one of the most important features of renting an apartment is the presence of natural light. People will turn down apartments without windows because they need light. Windows let in light and change the dynamic of dark rooms. 

We need men to create windows of excellence to let kingdom light into the darkness of this world. A small window of light can change any room. 
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You have probably encountered a window of excellence at some point in your life. The light of someone doing good, seemingly small work that lets the light into normal or frustrating situations.

• This is the mechanic who treats you with respect and reassures you that your car doesn’t need major work and that a simple oil change will do. They don’t upsell you; they serve you.

• This is the cashier at a coffee shop who asks about your day and remembers your order and your kids' names.

• It’s the teacher who turns their classroom into a portal of joy and encouragement for your kids when there is chaos all around.

• It's the single mom holding down two jobs, helping her kids read and put screens away when she is tired to the bone.

• It’s the executive who goes over the notes one final time to make sure the concepts are clear and concise.

A window of excellence may not seem dramatic, but it can be potent. 

Over time, it can fight futility by letting the light into the darkness around us. 
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CREATING WINDOWS OF EXCELLENCE

Here are a few framing thoughts on creating a window of excellence in your world today.

(1) CHANGE THE AUDIENCE OF YOUR LIFE

I haven’t always been a Pastor in New York City. Years back, I was an apprentice butcher at a meat wholesaler in Australia.  In case you are unaware, apprentices are not endowed with workplace power. They are at the bottom of the food chain, doing the unwanted and menial work. 

But as a new believer, I resolved to turn the butcher shop into a portal of heaven. I would get in early before the other workers, get on my knees, hold my knives up to God, and offer everything I did as an act of worship to Him. I wanted people to say...

"Those were the best sausages I have ever had."
"That was the best-marinated steak I have ever tasted."
"That was the friendliest butcher I have ever met."

"Jon is the most hardworking apprentice we have ever had."

I had an "Unto the Lord" orientation to my work, which steadied my heart and imbued significance into the most menial tasks. 

(2) FIGHT PASSIVITY WITH RUTHLESS ACTION

One of the Stoics' best practices was to divide life into two categories: that which we can control and that which we cannot control. 

"Do everything you can about what is in your control and ignore what you cannot control."

If you do this, you will learn that you have a tremendous amount of capacity, even when things feel futile. 

Think of Nelson Mandela in prison for 27 years, using this time to grow into the man who would become the leader of his nation. He read widely, cleaned his cell, wrote his biography (which he slowly smuggled out), dealt with the anger in his heart, and was formed into a leader of leaders.

Squire Bill Widener was the first to say, 

"Do what you can, with what you’ve got, where you are."

A prison cell, a vision, a new heart.

A ruthless commitment to action changed a prisoner into a president over time. 

(3) REMEMBER REDEMPTIVE HISTORY

It was Margaret Mead who said, 

"Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world; indeed, it’s the only thing that ever has."

The Harlem Renaissance occurred amidst widespread racial discrimination and segregation in the United States. Yet a window of excellence emerged in African American culture, bringing art, economics, intellectuals, and activists to the forefront.

During the collapse of the Roman Empire, St Benedict planted centers of learning, agriculture, and spiritual renewal in a time of utter chaos. Their disciplined pursuit of excellence in work and prayer preserved much of the Western culture we value today.

During Nazi rule in Germany, Dietrich Bonhoeffer’s Confessing Church stoodagainst the mediocrity and moral collapse of the state-aligned churches. Their theological depth and commitment to ethical integrity became a beacon of hope that still lets light into the church today.
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COMMIT TO EXCELLENCE

We often talk about the fact that we are living as cultural exiles today. We talk about the need to be distinct from the world around us. However, one of the least talked about features of living as an exile is our commitment to working with excellence. 

This is an overlooked component of Daniel's exilic influence. Daniel 6:3 notes,

"Now, Daniel so distinguished himself among the administrators and the satraps by his exceptional qualities that the king planned to set him over the whole kingdom."

Resolve in your heart that whatever you do will be done with excellence.

• Do the dishes with excellence

• Mow lines in your grass with excellence

• Do work projects with excellence

• Help your kids with their homework with excellence

• Serve in your church with excellence

• Manage your money with excellence

One of the easiest ways to stand out in our mediocre world is to do everything with excellence. 

Proverbs 22:29 says, "Do you see a man who excels in his work? He will stand before kings; He will not stand before unknown men."

Excellence is the way to distinguish yourself as a man today.
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STANDING IN THE LIGHT

Yesterday, I got to speak at Refined Technologies Inc. in Houston. Their CEO, Cody Nath, runs this company with a compelling redemptive framework. 

The highlight of my time there was attending the employee awards ceremony. Over 80% of the workforce in that department is made up of formerly incarcerated men. It’s a kingdom outpost in the middle of Houston’s oil and gas industry. 

I was talking with a man who had just gotten out of prison and was two months into his work there. He was a man who had resolve and hope.

I asked him what his vision was. 

"I want to get hired here full-time. I want to work hard and regain some dignity. I want to become an artisan who does my job well."

He had a sense of agency and was rebuilding his life with hope. But what he said next stunned me. 

"This place is a piece of heaven on earth. 

Look around. Look at all these men.

They are working well and feel good about themselves.

This doesn’t just happen anywhere else."

This man had built a window of excellence. 

And for a few minutes on a humid Tuesday afternoon in Houston, I got to stand in their light. 

Windows of excellence let kingdom light in. This is a way to bring heaven to earth.

I am committed to building windows of excellence with you.

Cheers. 

Jon.

how to actually be a good dad in these confusing times

"Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger by the way you treat them.

Rather, bring them up with the discipline and instruction that comes from the Lord."

Ephesians 6:4

"Father, into your hands I commit my spirit."

Jesus

In almost every place I speak or teach to men, they always seem to bring it back to one area they need to process—their fathers.

Every father exerts a defining influence on their kids’ lives. 

By his presence or his absence, for good or for bad. Often, it’s for good and bad.

I wrote a book called The Intentional Father that shares my journey of trying to release generational blessings instead of generational curses. It’s called The Intentional Father, not The Perfect Father, because I believe the best we can do as dads is point to our heavenly Father in a way that makes our kids want to pursue God.

But as my kids (now adults) grow and build their own lives, I am still working to grow into the kind of father I want to be. One that helps them build their lives and legacy. One that doesn’t control, but empowers and blesses my kids. 

Turns out that’s harder than you think. Craig Lounsbrough writes, 

"The call of fatherhood is in fact a call of sacrifice, not in some heroic sense where a father is lifted high on some glowing pedestal with all of his sacrifices held up to the awe of those around him. Rather, it is a call that will cost him all that he has, that will be absent of accolades, where rewards will be sparse, and where he will someday find himself having spent all, but in the spending have gained everything. And this is the glory of fatherhood."

Sacrifice is the glory of fatherhood. 

I want to get better at that. 

But how?
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I have long admired Gordon McDonald for what he has written to men. A pastor and leader now in his 80s, I find a rare wisdom and depth in how he writes.

I remember reading his book A Resilient Life several years after I moved to New York to plant a church. As soon as I finished it, I started re-reading it, and several chapters brought me to tears. 

Something about his writing makes you feel like you are reading wisdom and advice from a father. A father who cares that you are doing okay, and cares about the outcome of your life. But I have wondered what exactly in his writing makes you feel this. What are the themes, the emphasis, and the spirit in which he shares?
                                                                                              
When going through some notes, I stumbled across a paragraph he wrote about what it means to be a father to others. What it means to extend care, blessing, and hope to those we are called to love and serve. He said,

"Don’t compete, don’t bore people with stories they haven’t asked to hear, don’t brag about your past. Just listen, encourage, cheer, offer your opinion (when asked), and be ready with a prayer for those who seek a blessing."

As I reflected on these thoughts, it became so clear that these very things are what makes his writing so meaningful. He is not trying to impress you with his depth of learning, wow you with heroics, or shame you for failure. He is calling you to keep going in spite of discouragement, play the long game, and reach for your redemptive potential. 

Here are some reflection questions from McDonald to think through this week: 

Am I competing with my kids or challenging them to become their best?
Let your kids run their own race. They are not a threat to your legacy; they are an extension of it. 

Am I boring them with my stories they didn’t ask for, or asking questions to find out what’s happening in their story?
The good old days probably weren’t that good. So much of culture has changed that the stories don’t transfer easily. Ask your kids about their story instead. I don’t want my kids rolling their eyes and going, "I’ve heard this one before."

Am I bragging about my past or learning about how they see the future?
So much of Gen Z's anxiety comes from having to live up to impossible standards set by culture. Try not to compound that with your own history. Help them walk in the good works God has for them. 

Do I default to lecturing or listening?
I can fall into "lecture mode" so easily as a dad. I am working on defaulting to question mode. Asking about what they are learning, loving, wrestling with, and enjoying instead of my own thoughts projected onto them.

Am I a source of encouragement or criticism?
Encouragement is spiritual adrenaline. I want to create an emotional field that they are drawn to because it will build them up, inspire them, and empower them to dream for more.

Am I cheering them on or critiquing their effort?
Knowing what your kids are into and giving them specific feedback and affirmation can make a world of difference. Celebrate the shots they make; overlook the ones they miss. 

Am I waiting to be invited or charging in without regard? 
Unless invited, opinions sound like lectures. I am working on clarifying my thoughts in advance so I can drop wisdom nuggets and not nostalgic ramblings when invited.

Am I more ready to pray or give my own advice?
I am working on memorizing key prayers and verses from the Bible so I can pray the promises over my kids and not just my own reflections. Rich prayer leads to rich fruit.

Am I releasing or holding back blessings in their lives?
I want to bless my kids for who they are, not what they do. I want them to feel my affection, affirmation, and attention so they know how much I am for them. 

May God give us grace to bless, not wound, heal, and not harm, and help the next generation become all God has destined them to be.

We need fathers in the church. 
We need fathers in the world. 
We need fathers in the home.
We need biological fathers, adoptive fathers, spiritual fathers, stepfathers, mentors, coaches, and fill-in fathers as well.

Children are a heritage from the Lord. 
Praying he gives you wisdom, patience, and love to steward yours well. 

Cheers. 

Jon.

how to fight weariness and exhaustion

"An action of small value performed with much love of God is far more excellent than one of a higher virtue, done with less love of God."

St. Francis de Sales

Do not let your hearts be troubled.

Jesus

   

So many of us today are weary.

We are experiencing exhaustion at almost every level.

Physical exhaustion. Mental exhaustion. Emotional exhaustion. Socialexhaustion. Existential exhaustion. Vocational exhaustion. Compassionexhaustion. Justice exhaustion. Digital exhaustion. Creative exhaustion. Culturalexhaustion. Spiritual exhaustion.

That was exhausting to read.

If we were writing the gospel of modern humanity today, it would say something like this…

“By this will all men know that you are being discipled by the culture--your weariness and exhaustion.”

This pressure can weigh our hearts down and paralyze us.

Jesus warned us against this in Luke 21:34.

“Be careful, or your hearts will be weighed down with carousing, drunkenness, and the anxieties of life.”

The word used in Greek to describe this ‘weighing down” is bareō. Part of its meaning is the idea of becoming sleepy. We see this with the disciples in Luke 22:45. 

“When He rose from prayer and went back to the disciples, He found them asleep, exhausted from sorrow.”

Exhausted from sorrow. That’s what many of us feel like.
__________________________________   

Part of the exhaustion stems from the expectations the culture puts on us. We are constantly told we should do something about everything.

But this is impossible. 

You can’t save America from Trump or Kamala.
You can’t close the economic gap.
You can’t stop the melting of the ice caps.
You can’t fix educational inequality in the nation.
You can’t get rid of toxic technology and go back in time.

Yeah??? 

Says who?

Reality.

To be clear, I’m not pushing fatalism and passivity. I’m pushing discernment and responsibility.

You are not accountable to do the will of the whole world. 
You are just accountable to do the will of God for your life.

This is how Jesus lived. In John 17, he told the Father, “I have finished the work you gave me to do.”

Considering the scope of the needs of His day, Jesus did precious little in the eyes of the world. He didn’t write a best seller. He didn’t start an official organization. He didn’t travel to global cities.

He discipled those He was given, preached the gospel of the Kingdom, and died as a sacrifice for sins. Potent. History-shaping. Magnificent. But relatively small at the time. 

It took centuries for His short, local life of love to bear fruit in the world. 

But it was enough because it was the Father's will. He was so full of the food of His Father’s will that He wasn’t tempted to feast on the opportunity and anxiety of His day.

May God teach us all to live this way, too. 

One of the first things therapists tell us is the need to learn what is ours to carry and what is another’s. There is so much missional enmeshment in the church today.

Many of us are exhausted because we carry burdens that Jesus never asked us to carry. 

God will always give us power for our assignments, but not our own ambition.
God will always give us grace for our calling, but there is no promise for our own agendas.
We will always have time for what God has called us to, but not the demands of the world.
__________________________________   

Each of us must find and do the work God has assigned for us to do.

How? 

It’s both easier and harder than we think.

Here are the three questions I use to carry the burden God has given me.

Who am I? 
Where am I? 
What do I have?

WHO AM I?

• How has God uniquely designed and gifted me for my calling?

• What identity do I hold onto that might not align with what God says about me?

• What lies or distractions are causing me to forget who I am in Christ?

• How does my relationship with God define my purpose and priorities?

• In what ways am I called to live out my identity as a child of God in this current situation? 

WHERE AM I? 

• What season of life am I in, and how is God shaping me through it?

• What circumstances or challenges around me could God be using for my growth?

• How does my current situation fit into the larger narrative of God’s plan for my life?

• What opportunities to serve or love are right in front of me?

• How can I be fully present where I am, trusting that God has placed me here for a reason?

WHAT’S IN YOUR HAND? 

• What resources, talents, or abilities has God already given me to fulfill my calling?

• How can I use what I have right now to bring glory to God, even if it feels small?

• What tasks or responsibilities are mine to handle today, and what can I release to God?

• How might God want me to steward the gifts or relationships that are currently in my life?

• What small steps of obedience can I take with what’s already in my hand, trusting God with the outcome?

Moses became deliverer of Israel as a runaway prince, living as a shepherd, with a stick in his hand. Paul became an apostle as a Jewish/Roman Citizen fixing tents along the way. Jesus saved the world from an obscure village, walking out of a carpenter shop to the cross.

Who are you, where are you, what’s in your hand?

Steward what you have been given. 

Let Jesus free you from having to do everything about something.

Live your call; that will be more than enough.

Fighting exhaustion with you.

Cheers 

Jon. 

Folks, just a reminder: Here are a couple of free resources to help you get into community with other men and get after your call.

How to build a brotherhood.

Core community guide.

Grateful for you.

how to be full of hope in a world of despair

Vicisti, Galilaee!

Julian the Apostate

I will build my church.

Jesus

In Today’s Newsletter

• Smiling at secular threats

• Verses for your heart

• Quotes to fight with

• Music to stir your vision

• Two recent books I reread geared for men’s hearts

• Two favorite poems for you

___________________________________

SMILING AT SECULAR THREATS

Much has been written about the rise of secularism in our world today.
But more than at an academic level, you probably feel it at a personal level.
More and more, it feels like we have to force God into our lives these days.
His place is constantly being taken away from the table.

On a personal level, it's the pressure of daily life, the busyness of our schedules, the strain to stay connected in marriage, godless media that creates a vision of life with no reference point to the eternal, and the normalization of sin. 

On a larger level, people just don’t seem interested in Jesus anymore.
God seems to be being pushed out of public conversations. Even just a few years back, Presidential candidates were asked about their personal relationship with Jesus. Now, they are asked about their plans to advance LGBTQ rights.

As a society, we are, for the most part, pleasure-seeking and anxious pagans. The gospel doesn’t seem to have much to say to the concerns of modern people set on living their own truth, values, and lives.

Statistically, they tell us that we are in a historic decline of the church, and each year, over 1 million young people walk away from their faith.

For many, this is a time of the slow suffocation of their faith, growing doubt, and fear.

I feel the dynamics of secularism acutely but don’t feel the same pressure.

I have full confidence that God is going to move and that in the ruins of secularism, Jesus will build a beautiful church. 

Zooming out and knowing redemptive history can help.

Julian the Apostate was known as the last pagan Emperor. 

He ruled Rome from 361 to 363 AD. 
He was a relative of Constantine (who paved the way for the Christianization of the empire) who deconstructed his faith and tried to renew classical Roman religion to stem the rising tide of Christian faith. He launched a widespread campaign to remove the influence of Jesus from his world. 

This included:

Bringing Back Paganism
Julian wanted people to go back to the old Roman gods. He brought back sacrifices, reopened pagan temples, and even made paganism more organized, with priests and moral rules to make it more appealing, like Christianity.

He Took Away Christian Privileges
He removed the benefits Christians had gained under Constantine. He stopped giving money to Christian churches and gave back properties that had been taken from pagan temples.

He Stopped Christians from Teaching
Julian stopped Christians from teaching important subjects like literature and philosophy in schools, hoping to weaken their influence, especially those seeking to raise the next generations in Rome with Jesus as a reference point of life.

He Stacked the Government with Pagan Leaders
He promoted those opposed to the Christian faith to important government jobs and centered pagan philosophers and writers to gain influence, trying to reduce the power of Christian leaders.

He Tried to Rebuild the Jewish Temple
In his attempt to rebuild the Temple in Jerusalem, he wanted to prove Christian prophecies wrong and shake their hope in their future. However, the project failed due to frustrating events like earthquakes and fires.

Despite all his efforts, Julian’s reign was short. He died in 363 AD during a military campaign against the Persian Empire.

He was wounded during the battle, and as he lay dying, he said,

"You have won, O Galilean." 

Jesus did win. Over sin, Satan, death, hell, and Julian’s efforts to destroy the church.

After his death, his anti-Christian policies were quickly reversed. Christianity continued to thrive, and his attempt to restore paganism failed.

In Fighting Shadows, we discuss the metaphor of something blocking the sun that stops us from seeing God. Satan’s strategy is to make us think the light is gone.

Life in modern society can feel like it’s in the shadows. It can seem like God is gone. The light of Jesus seems blocked out by sin, secularism, and the self.

But I am reminded of what Athanasius, that staunch defender of the faith, said about Julian the Apostate.

"Julian was such a cloud… but a little cloud, it passes away."

Secularism is a little cloud that will pass away. 

Most Christians have never heard of Julian the Apostate, but today, over 2 billion people are living in the light of Christ.

Men, take heart.

The Father is for you.
Christ is with you.
The Spirit is within you.

He who began a good work in you will carry it out to completion.

You have been chosen and sealed by God.

Jesus promised to build His Church, and He is using you.

You can smile at the secular threats, and you can smile in the shade.

Jesus is the light of the world, and those who follow Him shall not walk in darkness but have the light of life. 

Onward.
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VERSES

Surely, the righteous will never be shaken; they will be remembered forever.
They will have no fear of bad news; their hearts are steadfast, trusting in the LORD. Their hearts are secure; they will have no fear
Psalms 112:6-8

This is what the Sovereign LORD, the Holy One of Israel, says:
"In repentance and rest is your salvation, in quietness and trust is your strength,
Isaiah 30:15

"I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world, you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world."
John 16:33

Be still before the LORD and wait patiently for him; do not fret when people succeed in their ways, when they carry out their wicked schemes. Refrain from anger and turn from wrath; do not fret —it leads only to evil.
Psalms 37:7-8

What, then, shall we say in response to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us? He who did not spare his own Son, but gave him up for us all—how will he not also, along with him, graciously give us all things? Who will bring any charge against those whom God has chosen? It is God who justifies. Who, then, is the one who condemns? No one. Christ Jesus who died —more than that, who was raised to life —is at the right hand of God and is also interceding for us. 
Romans 8:31-34 
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QUOTES

"Who except God can give you peace? 
Has the world ever been able to satisfy the heart?" 
St. Gerard Majella

"We are drowning in freedoms but thirsting for meaning."
Mark Sayers,

"When one is convinced that his cause is just, he will fear nothing." 
St. John Bosco

"I am fundamentally an optimist. Whether that comes from nature or nurture, I cannot say. Part of being optimistic is keeping one's head pointed toward the sun, one's feet moving forward."
Nelson Mandela
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MUSIC FOR SOME PEACE

JÔNSI: FIRST LIGHT

This is about as good as ambient music gets, folks.
From the lead singer of Sigur Ros, it’s a wide-ranging instrumental album full of beauty.

First Light gives the feeling of being in a movie.
Stillness is pure magic.

SNORRI HALLGRÌMSSON: I AM WEARY, DON’T LET ME REST
This is dark, moody music at its best.

Before the Storm draws you into the album.
I Am at Home is the song to close out a long day.
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A COUPLE OF RECENT RE-READS

Glory Hunger by JR Vassar
This is my second time reading this. JR was a kindred pastor when he was in New York, and he will deal with your soul's longing and deficits in a challenging but hope-fueled way here. 

More on the book…

Everyone wants to be significant. To a certain extent, this is natural and good—evidence of our God-given desire for meaning and purpose. However, our longing for significance can easily twist into an insatiable craving for approval, recognition, and praise—and, if left unchecked, this craving will enslave us. In Glory Hunger, pastor JR Vassar challenges Christians to reevaluate their priorities when it comes to leaving a legacy, pointing to the gospel as the key to freedom from the bondage of narcissism and insecurity. Addressing cultural obsessions such as physical beauty and the goal of cultivating a "perfect" digital reputation via social media, this book will help readers refocus on what really matters: living a life marked by the passionate pursuit of God’s glory above all else.

Experiencing Fathers Embrace by Jack Frost
This is my third time reading this book. It’s a beautiful message for men who struggle to connect their heads and hearts. It’s about God's delight in us and the experience of the Abba cry Romans 8 talks about. It's a touch dated but also timeless in its own way. 

More on the book…

Experiencing Father's Embrace shows you how you can personally feel your Father's loving and comforting embrace, and points out areas that may be hindering you from experiencing a more intimate relationship with your Creator. Jack Frost, ministry leader and teacher, reveals the love that God has for each of His children. His love is not doled out by age, race, gender, politics, or denomination--His embrace is for all.

The author offers many ways to bring both new and seasoned believers closer to Him. The truths shared in this book will make a positive difference in your life, in the lives of your loved ones and especially in your relationship with God the Father---who yearns for your companionship. Experiencing Father's Embrace is not based on hearsay but on Scripture and powerful life experiences of a man whose personal testimony will encourage and inspire you to pursue God's eternal loving embrace.

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POEMS FOR HOPE

Just dropping these in again to give you a little perspective and peace. 

Loaves and Fishes by David Whyte 
*from The House of Belonging

This is not
the age of information.

This is not
the age of information.

Forget the news,
and the radio,
and the blurred screen.

This is the time
of loaves
and fishes.

People are hungry
and one good word is bread
for a thousand.

The Clearing by Martha Postlethwaite

Do not try to save
the whole world
or do anything grandiose.
Instead, create
a clearing
in the dense forest
of your life
and wait there
patiently,
until the song
that is your life
falls into your own cupped hands
and you recognize and greet it.
Only then will you know
how to give yourself
to this world
so worth of rescue.
___________________________________

Thanks for reading, folks.

Here with hope.

Cheers.

Jon.

I am filled with faith and hope, knowing that 700 men are carrying coals from that flame to the altar of their hearts, homes, communities, and churches. 

Men, get to the altar and tend to the flame. As William Booth reminds us, 

"The tendency of fire is to go out; watch the fire on the altar of your heart. Anyone who has tended a fireplace fire knows that it needs to be stirred up occasionally."

Rebuild your altars. Stir the coals of encounter, sacrifice, commitment, and memory.

Repair the altar; fire is waiting to fall.

I'll join you in rebuilding and responding this week.

Cheers.

Jon.

build the altar

"God calls us to an altar, not a platform."

J.D. Greer

Then Elijah said to all the people,

"Come here to me."

They came to him, and he repaired the altar of the LORD,

which had been torn down.

1 Kings 18:30

This past weekend was the Forming Men Conference in Paragould, Arkansas.

I had the time of my life. 

There is nothing like hearing 700 men belt out worship songs at the top of their lungs and seeing that potent kingdom mixture of repentance, brotherhood, and joy. 

We met at Central Baptist Church’s new building, which they had only completed two weeks before. It’s a beautiful building with all the things you would expect from new construction: incredible media, lobby space for days, and parking for half the trucks in Greene County.

I have definitely noticed how church buildings have become more modern over the years. They can look more like movie theaters than sanctuaries, more like community centers than cathedrals.

But something stood out to me about Central Baptist's new building.

The Altar.

Amid the polished concrete floors, state-of-the-art stage, and video walls was an old-school Baptist altar. You can easily overlook this when you walk in, but you can’t miss it when the presence of God comes down. 

Blake Ligon, the pastor, told me, "We wanted to build a place where men could encounter God."

As simple as it sounds, that vision is rarer than you think. There are so few places built for people to encounter God today.

I believe God is calling a generation of men to do something about that. 

Encountering God is at the heart of the scriptures. Altars were places where that could happen.

Altars were places where people encountered God
They were built as places to seek God or memorials of encounters with Him.

They were places of sacrifice 
Fire never fell on an empty altar; something was always offered to God.

Altars were places of commitment
It was the place where a man, his family, and the community came to give themselves in surrender to God.

Places of Memory
They were places where you could look back and remember the goodness of God in your life. 

We need to repair the altars that have fallen down in the modern world. 

Much of what has happened in modern society amounts to tearing down where men could meet God and offer themselves to Him.

In its place, secular culture has built altars for its own gods. Altars to mammon, sexuality, pleasure, and self.

Men go to these secular altars to encounter these idols and offer themselves to them. This has led to heartache, dysfunction, and decline. The landscape of the lives of so many men is filled with altars to other gods. Men sacrifice their integrity, families, time, and energy on broken altars that do not satisfy.

God is calling a generation of men to tear these down and repair the altars to the one true God. I have tried to do this in my life in New York.

Over these last 20 years, I have built altars all over New York City.              

• In a small park on 43rd between 9th and 10th Ave, I built an altar where I have prayed for revival for over 19 years.

• Under a bridge in Hells Kitchen, on 41st and 9th Ave, God came down in power and encouraged me from Romans 1:13. I have an altar of faith there.

• I have an altar on 48th St. in Clinton Community Garden, where I met with God during the pandemic, and He filled me with the power to endure.

• I have an altar on 105th and Broadway, where I sought God when I first moved to the city.

• I have one at 50th and Broadway in Times Square, where I have prayed Psalm 67 over the city for years.

• I have one in the middle of the George Washington Bridge, where God turned my heart from being a tutor into a father.

Where are the altars in your life?

All men have altars.
All men sacrifice something to the god they worship, be it Jesus, mammon, lust, or self.

Whatever you build, make sure you build an altar into it.

No matter how modern or sophisticated, include a sacred space for God.

A space for encounter, sacrifice, commitment, and memory. 

Henry Ward Beecher said, "There ought to be such an atmosphere in every Christian church that a man going there and sitting two hours should take the contagion of heaven, and carry home a fire to kindle the altar whence he came."

Here is a photo of men at the altar:

I am filled with faith and hope, knowing that 700 men are carrying coals from that flame to the altar of their hearts, homes, communities, and churches. 

Men, get to the altar and tend to the flame. As William Booth reminds us, 

"The tendency of fire is to go out; watch the fire on the altar of your heart. Anyone who has tended a fireplace fire knows that it needs to be stirred up occasionally."

Rebuild your altars. Stir the coals of encounter, sacrifice, commitment, and memory.

Repair the altar; fire is waiting to fall.

I'll join you in rebuilding and responding this week.

Cheers.

Jon.

the power of quiet, unseen work done in the dark

"Do not despise these small beginnings, for the LORD rejoices to see the work begin."

Zechariah 4:10

"I want you to know in your bones that your only path to success is through a continuum of mundane, unsexy, unexciting, and sometimes difficult daily disciplines compounded over time."
Darren Hardy

Maggie Smith said,

"Praise the roots of the plant

- what grounds it and allows it to grow 
- not only the flower.

Without quiet, unseen work happening in the dark, nothing would open in the light."

All the fruit we want in our lives comes from the slow, patient work of tending to the roots. But this is easier said than done.

Most of us resist quiet, unseen work that happens in the dark. But the compound effect of caring for the roots determines what kind of soil we will be. The difference between the hard, shallow, thorny, and good soil was the depth and health of the roots. Root work compounds over time. 

One of the books that had the greatest impact on Nate and me during the Primal Path was The Compound Effect by Darren Hardy. It argues that it’s the small, almost unnoticeable things that have the largest impact on our lives. 

Not all at once, not even in ways we can really measure, until suddenly, the compound effect kicks in, and we reap the 100x fruit of a thousand smaller decisions.

Tend to the roots, and the fruit will take care of itself. 

Think about how we use the spare minutes of our days, for example. 

Ten Minutes a Day is…

Seventy Minutes a Week. 
300 Minutes a Month.
Sixty Hours a Year.

How many of you would like to pray for 60 hours this year yet feel like you can’t pray for an hour? Ten minutes daily, tending to the root of your relationship with God, would make it possible.

How many of you would like to be able to make a significant gift to a cause you care about but feel like that’s financially impossible?

If you took the typical 5-dollar-a-day coffee purchase and invested it with an 8 percent return over 20 years, it would come out to around $90,000.

Feels like nothing in the moment, but it’s significant over time.

But you probably know that already. 

At this point in the email, you are probably thinking, "I have heard all this before."

So, why don’t most of us live like this?

Because it’s hard. 

It’s hard to be patient, hard to play the long game, hard to labor in the quiet and the dark. It is hard to wait for a harvest in a culture of the immediate.

However, neglecting the roots has consequences. If we don’t tend to the roots, we will try to hack for fruit.

Lifehacking is almost a religion in the West. We think we can hack everything. Hack our health, hack our careers, hack our relationships, or hack our faith.

But I have written before and want to reiterate again:

"You can’t hack your way to a beautiful life."

When you resort to shortcuts in life, you risk inevitable failure and leave behind a legacy of unintended harm. God doesn’t want you to hack your walk with Him. Your friends don’t want hacked relationships. Your kids don’t want hacked parenting. Your wife doesn’t want a hacked marriage. A beautiful life is cultivated daily, nourishing the roots of what is meaningful and valuable over time. 

So, I have been extra dialed in the last few months on something I have written about before.

Radical incrementalism. 

Radical Incrementalism is the commitment to do the least you can do to make progress, not the most. It's learning to quit long before you are overwhelmed so that you don’t get exhausted and begin to think that what you are doing is unsustainable. It’s about consistency, not intensity. It’s a focus on the roots and not a scramble for the fruit.

I want to bring back to your attention how Oliver Burkeman shares about this in Four Thousand Weeks regarding writing and completing a Doctoral thesis.

"The psychology professor Robert Boice spent his career studying the writing habits of his fellow academics, reaching the conclusion that the most productive and successful among them generally made writing a smaller part of their daily routine than the others, so that it was much more feasible to keep going with it day after day.

They cultivated the patience to tolerate the fact that they probably wouldn’t be producing very much on any individual day, with the result that they produced much more over the long term. They wrote in brief daily sessions—sometimes as short as ten minutes, and never longer than four hours—and they religiously took weekends off."

Roots, not fruit. Consistency, not intensity.

This is in stark contrast to how the PhD students tended to think. They scrambled for thesis fruit.

"Boice observed that PhD students’ impatience to finish quickly, driven by looming deadlines, actually hindered their progress by causing them to rush the creative process or procrastinate, ultimately leading them to despise their work."

I want to shout this loudly from the rooftops.

Consistency, not intensity.

In the long run, you are much more likely to be consistent in your walk with God by reading a small section of scripture each day and praying for a few minutes than by going on a 40-day fast and scripture binge.

You will have a way better relationship with your kids if you play 20 minutes a day with them rather than thinking you can fix the relational gap with a trip to Disney.

Focus on the roots, not the fruit.
Focus on sowing, not the harvest.
Focus on consistency, not intensity. 

You will obviously have crazy weeks, last-minute drama, and sometimes the need to simply survive. But if you want a rich life of beauty, depth, meaning, and joy, radical incrementalism and root work will yield the harvest you want over time. 

I want a life that opens to the light.
I want a 100x harvest. 
I want fruit that remains.

So, more than ever, I am embracing the quiet, unseen work in the dark.

Praying you tend to the roots this week.

Thanks for reading.

Cheers.

Jon.

people from whom there are no secrets

Confess your sins to one another, that you may be healed.

James

Nothing makes us so lonely as our secrets.

Paul Tournier

There is so much content for Christian men today, yet still so little transformation.

We churn through books, podcasts, and sermons at a staggering rate, but deep down, this often does little to address our deepest fears, sinful tendencies, and pain.

So much content, so little change.
                                                           
I was recently at a Christian Leaders gathering talking about why this is when a pastor shared a part of his testimony that has had me thinking about it for a few weeks.

This pastor talked about the Pareto Principle of transformation.

You are probably familiar with the Pareto Principle, the idea that 80 percent of the result comes from 20 percent of the work, but I don’t think many of us have applied that to our walk with God amid all the religious options out there.

Much of the modern church is geared towards participation, but not transformation. 

We show up, serve, give, and do, but this often deals with external actions, not heart motivation.

This leader continued by sharing a radical idea. He said,

“The parent principle of transformation is around vulnerability, confession, honesty, and refusing to keep secrets. Most of the change and transformation in our lives comes from being honest with our struggles, vulnerable when we sin, and refusing to cover up and pretend things are fine.”

Sin management and hiding are exhausting. Confession brings relief. 

I have written about the danger of secrets in this email before, but given the many public failures and our own private ones, I want to bring this up again.

Can you imagine if Ravi Zacharias had said to a trusted friend…
“I need to tell you a secret”

You can imagine what would have happened if Carl Lentz had said… 
“I need to tell you a secret”

Can you imagine if Robert Morris had said…
“I know you know some of the truth, but I need to tell you a secret”

Now, as a Lead Pastor of a church, I know church dynamics can be complex.
There is pressure to look good, worries about our reputation, and image management.

But these are an illusion.

The Bible says that the eyes of the Lord are in every place, beholding the wicked and the righteous. The truth is, we can never keep our secrets from God. At some point, it will all come out, but HOW it comes out is up to us.

We can hide in shame and cover things up.
Or, we can bring them into the light and mercy of God.

Sin won’t destroy you; Jesus' mercy and grace can deal with that. However, covering your sin will destroy you if you try to manage it on your own. In Joshua 7, Achan’s whole family was destroyed because he had a secret hidden in his tent. 

Sadly, the same happens time and time again in our modern world.

In the conversation about the Pareto Principle of transformation, the pastor said that true transformation happened for him when he stopped keeping secrets. It wasn’t the preaching, all the community groups, serving the poor, and church services that changed him. It was opening his heart to a couple of trusted friends and sharing with them his deep secrets.

Healing comes when we are honest about what has wounded us.
Hope comes from being honest about our despair.
Freedom comes by naming what’s keeping us in bondage.

The recovery community has much to teach us here. “You are only as sick as your secrets” has changed the lives of so many. 

It can be terrifying for men to be truly vulnerable today. 
We can fear rejection, betrayal, weaponization of the information shared, and loss. But even worse than that is being destroyed by shame, exposure, and God's judgment. 

Frederick Buechner wrote,

“What we hunger for perhaps more than anything else is to be known in our full humanness, and yet that is often just what we also fear more than anything else. It is important to tell at least from time to time the secret of who we truly and fully are, because otherwise we run the risk of losing track of who we truly and fully are and little by little come to accept instead the highly edited version which we put forth in hope that the world will find it more acceptable than the real thing. It is important to tell our secrets too because it makes it easier, for other people to tell us a secret or two of their own.”

The earliest disciples knew this, too. John wrote, 

This is the message which we have heard from Him and declare to you, thatGod is light and in Him is no darkness at all. If we say that we have fellowship with Him, and walk in darkness, we lie and do not practice the truth. But if we walk in the light as He is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus Christ His Son cleanses us from all sin.

In the light. 
Fellowship with one another. 
Cleansed from all sin. 
Known, accepted, seen, and loved. 
This is the invitation of the gospel to our hearts.

My deepest prayer for you is that God will give you two brothers from whom you keep no secrets. Those you can share your heart with in full. Those who will share your joys, weep with you in your pain, rebuke your foolishness, and drag you from your rebellion back into the light.

After all, isn’t this what Jesus did for His disciples?

If you are looking for a practical way to start this, we created a simple tool called Core Communities that you can use to go deep with a few other guys.

Download the short guide, review the tool, read this email to a few brothers, and then commit to meeting regularly and being fully open. Your secrets may kill you or save you, but it depends on whether or not they are shared in community or hidden in shame. 

We need friends from whom we keep no secrets.
We need to be friends who will listen to the secrets of others.

May God give you grace to be and find these life-giving friends.

Here with you in the risky and radical pursuit of being a vulnerable man.

Cheers.

Jon. 

stop domesticating women

"I want a trouble-maker for a lover; blood spiller, blood drinker, a heart of flame. 

Who quarrels with the sky and fights with fate. Who burns like fire on the rushing sea."

Rumi

She is clothed with strength and dignity; she can laugh at the days to come.

Proverbs 31:25

(The following email has been proofread and approved by my wife ☺)

I had a conversation recently with my wife that cut me to the core.
I had been gone quite a bit, and my relational account was overdrawn.
I suggested we go for a nice walk to catch up on a few things and chat.

Her reply has been ringing in my ears.

I am not a domesticated woman.

I do not want to do domesticated things.

I do not want to live a domesticated life.

I want a life of mission and adventure.

You are going to have to do better than a ‘little walk and chat’

I refuse a domesticated life.

I was kind of stunned by the poetic confrontation that flowed from her mouth.

It may have been the most beautiful and terrible thing she has ever said to me.

"I do not want to live a domesticated life."

To domesticate means to "bring under control to serve our purposes"

I never set out to do this. 

No woman wants a man whose life vision is to bring her under his control to serve his purposes. Yet it happens more than we would like to admit. To be honest, the vision given to so many Christian men is that of finding a good woman and domesticating her. Taking away the wildness and the passion and sense of adventure and replacing it with compliance and control. We get busy and low on energy, so we try and reduce the vision of women to what we have the capacity to manage. 

I didn’t set out to try and domesticate my wife. 

When I met her in college, she had glory in her eyes and the nations in her heart. She said yes to marrying me because I was what she called "a visionary," and I offered her something beyond the small dreams of modern life. She said yes to me because she thought I would release her calling, not restrict her life.

To be clear this has nothing to do with being a complementarian or egalitarian. 

I’ve seen egalitarians domesticate their wives, and complementarians raise them to their redemptive potential (and vice versa). No, this is about getting a vision of presenting our wives in all their splendor like Ephesians 5 calls us to. 

This isn’t as much about roles as it is vision. 

Am I trying to get my wife to serve my purpose or creating space for God to release hers? Most women have more vision than men have energy to give them. We should seriously examine that. So often in our vision of sacrificial love, our wives get sacrificed so we can do what we love.

Jesus didn’t domesticate the women of his day.

He welcomed Mary at his feet as a disciple, opening his heart and word to her in a gesture so controversial it’s hard to comprehend.

Jesus revealed himself to another Mary in the garden, making her an apostle to the apostles, the first witness of the resurrection that we dismiss far too quickly.

Jesus’ ministry was funded by a group of wealthy women who provided for his needs at their own expense. 

Satan is the one who wants to domesticate women.

To domesticate their sexual desires to serve men.
To reduce their vision to stereotypical roles. 
To reduce their impact to serve in the shadows of men.

I have so much work to do. 
I have so many repairs to make.
I have controlling instincts that make me lash out in the flesh.

Yet I am resolved that I will not domestic my wife, or try and do so to the woman around me. Jesus has much to teach me here, but I am joyfully enrolled in the school of repentance and restitution.

I want to empower, not restrict the next generation of women.

When I was raising my daughter, I didn’t want to diminish her; I wanted to empower her.
I didn’t want to shield her in fear or shame her in selfishness.

Each morning we would read 2 quotes.

One from Frederick Buechner and one from the Scriptures.

Hers is the world, beautiful and terrible things will happen, don’t be afraid.

She is clothed with strength and dignity; she can laugh at the days to come.

I sought to raise a resilient daughter, not a domesticated one. 

By the grace of God, she has become just that. Strong and dignified, with laughter on her lips and love in her heart. She shows up with courage in this beautiful, terrible thing called life. 

_______________________

In many ways, men still have so much power in the world, so much power in the church, so much power in the home.

What will we do with that power?

Will we domesticate women or empower them? Will we restrict them or release them?

Here’s to an undomesticated gospel, and working towards empowering a fierce and free generation of women for the days ahead.

Thanks for reading.

Cheers

Jon.

keep nothing for yourself

“It's easier to hold your principles 100 percent of the time than it is to hold them 98 percent of the time.”

Clayton Christensen

"Once I made a decision, I never thought about it again."

Michael Jordan

This past Sunday someone came forward for prayer in our church.
It was a request I have not been able to get out of my head.

The gist of it was this:

“I came to New York with a passion to give into sexual sin and temptation. I did that for a couple of years, but a while back Jesus called me out of my sin to himself. I have consecrated my sexuality to Jesus, but there is this last little 2 percent I want to give to him, it needs to be put to death.”

The last little two percent. 

It made me wonder if there were small little sins lingering under my larger surrender. 

Was I holding back my own 2 percent?

Abba Anthony (of the Desert Fathers) gave an illustration of the need to hold nothing back in our lives with God. 

A brother renounced the world and gave his goods to the poor, but he kept back a little for his personal expenses. He went to see Abba Anthony. When he told him this, the old man said to him, 

“If you want to be a monk, go to the village, buy some meat, cover your naked body with it and come here like that.” 

The brother did so, and the dogs and birds tore at his flesh. 

When he came back the old man asked him whether he had followed his advice. He showed him his wounded body, and Saint Anthony said, 

“Those who renounce the world but want to keep something for themselves are torn this way by the demons who make war on them.”

This is so true. 

Those un-surrendered parts, those parts we keep back, can be access points of temptation, distraction, and spiritual sabotage.  

I am joining my brother at the altar this week and asking God to kill the final 2 percent of sin in me.

Clayton Christensen, the former renowned Harvard Business School professor once said, “It's easier to hold your principles 100 percent of the time than it is to hold them 98 percent of the time.”

There is so much lost energy in the 2 percent. 
So much wrestling, so much decision fatigue, so much pressure moment by moment. 

But total surrender leads to total peace. 

All the energy given to resisting sin can be given to building the life we are called to.

Are there any areas of your life that you need to bring to the altar?
Any small sins hiding under your larger commitment?
Anything you sense the Lord asking you to lay down?

Why not take a moment and follow the wisdom of King David, the wisdom of the spiritual MRI.

Search me, God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts.
See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.
Psalms 139:23-24 

Andrew Murray wrote a prayer I have been praying in light of a full and total surrender.  

“Father, may the Holy Spirit have full dominion over me: in my home, in my character, in every word of my tongue, in every thought of my heart, in every feeling towards my fellowmen; may the Holy Spirit have entire possession.”

Entirely possessed by holiness and love, now that’s a compelling vision.

See you at the altar with whatever you have been holding back.

Cheers

Jon.

the mess of spiritual formation

“Christian spiritual formation rests on this indispensable foundation of death to self and cannot proceed except insofar as that foundation is being firmly laid and sustained.”

Dallas Willard

“My dear children, for whom I am again in the pains of childbirth until Christ is formed in you.”

Galatians 4:19

_________________________________

I was there for the birth of both of my children.

People tend to talk about the joy and wonder of having kids, but there wasn’t a lot of joy and wonder when my wife was in the delivery room. There was screaming, blood, tears, pain, and as violent a process as I have ever witnessed.

Afterwards: the joy. Before: the bloody mess.

I have thought about that a lot in our current discussions on spiritual formation. Spiritual formation is having a moment, for which I am glad. I wrote a book about the need for this in a cultural moment like ours called Beautiful Resistance. But I believe we are missing one important part of the conversation.

The mess of spiritual formation.

I am noticing a trend, particularly among younger believers, about how spiritual formation is being practiced.

Instead of a violent fight to kill the ego and the flesh, it is viewed as an aesthetically pleasing, restful alternative to modern life. I have real sympathy for this. Life is overwhelming, anxiety-producing, and exhausting. But a spiritual “wellness” alternative will fall short in the long run.

The yoke of Jesus is easy and light, but it’s paid for by bloodshed on a cross.

The saints knew that spiritual formation is a violent and messy process.

Paul said he was in the “pains of childbirth” to see formation in the life of the Galatians. Paul had to bleed to see the Galatians become what Christ intended.

• Despite the miracles and power, the Galatians were resorting to the flesh.

• Despite a clear and doctrinally accurate presentation of God's grace, the Galatians were shrinking back into works.

• Despite Paul’s humble leadership, the Galatians were living in pride.

They were biting and devouring one another, seduced back into legalism, and using their freedom to feed the flesh.

Paul’s exhortation?

Life by the Spirit; crucify the flesh.

Those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires.
Galatians 5:24 

Spiritual formation is a messy process, and the Bible is brutally honest about this.

• Abraham took the promise for an heir into his own hands and birthed Ishmael. He struggled to trust God's timing. 

• Moses wasn’t allowed into the promised land; his temper got the better of him.

• David fell into adultery and murder; sexual entitlement overtook his obligations of worship.

• Peter denied Jesus, weeping at his own faithlessness.

• The Ephesians lost their first love despite the warnings not to.

• Demas forsook Paul because he loved the world; his disordered desires came out under pressure.

This wasn’t before the call of God in their lives. This was in the middle of it.

Spiritual formation is messy. 
Formation is a war. 
Formation is a fight to the death. 

Paul knew formation was an invitation to crucified union, not just a more appealing alternative to shallow evangelicalism. 

I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I now live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.
Galatians 2:20 

Please don’t misunderstand me, spiritual practices are a key part of this, but the attitude and vision behind them must be aligned. Practices are nails for the crucified life, not mindfulness for Christians dealing with stress.

That’s why Dallas Willard was so insistent on this. 

“Christian spiritual formation rests on this indispensable foundation of death to self and cannot proceed except insofar as that foundation is being firmly laid and sustained.”
Dallas Willard

Death to self, firmly laid, and sacrificially sustained. 

There will be cries from the delivery rooms of our souls for this to happen in our hearts.

So, don’t be dismayed if the struggle for your faith is hard.
Don’t be surprised if your face resistance.
Don’t be discouraged if you are constantly having new parts of your heart exposed by God.

He disciplines those He loves.
He leads us on the narrow way.
The refining fire can be painful, but it is a fire of purifying love. 

God promises to walk with us, form and transform us, but it will be messy.

Don’t be surprised, and don’t give up.

God delights in your messy, mangled, “two steps forward and one step back” formation.

The LORD makes firm the steps of the one who delights in him;
though he may stumble, he will not fall, for the LORD upholds him with his hand.
Psalms 37:23-24

Let’s help each other in the crucified life, held in the hand of grace. 

Thanks for reading.

Cheers.

Jon.

the eighth shadow: fighting entitlement

Arrogance demands and expects. Humility receives and enjoys.

Dan Rockwell

For although they knew God, they neither glorified him as God nor gave thanks to him, but their thinking became futile, and their foolish hearts were darkened.

Paul (commenting on the culture of Rome)

So many men fall into sin because they think they are owed something for what they have done. This is the danger of entitlement.

It's such a sweet trap to believe that the rules don’t apply to us.

We must fight entitlement. In many ways, this could have been the 8th shadow of our book Fighting Shadows. Entitlement can stand between us and God, getting us to believe that we can decide what we deserve. It blocks our trust in God's mercy, timing, and provision.

Entitlement is not narcissism, which tends towards pathological self-absorption.
It's not arrogance; the thought that we are better than others.
Entitlement is more subtle than that. It’s the idea that I am owed something others are not. Life is indebted to me, and I am here to collect. 

Psychology Today defines entitlement this way:

"Entitlement is an enduring personality trait, characterized by the belief that one deserves preferences and resources that others do not."

For Christian men, entitlement may be one of the least talked about but most deadly issues lurking in our hearts. Maybe it’s because we give up so many pleasures of the world to follow Christ. Maybe it’s because eternal rewards seem so far away, or because culture disciples us in the way of entitlement one algorithm at a time. The cumulative effect is a generation of men walking around thinking they are owed something. This is not good for us or the world we are called to serve. 

Tasha Eurich, an organizational psychologist notes,

“Research confirms that entitled employees have unjustified positive opinions about their talents and contributions, feel deserving of things they haven’t earned, and even see their supervisors as abusive. They’re also less satisfied with their jobs, more likely to underperform, pick fights, and behave unethically.” 

The best men resist entitlement. 

Steven Pressfield highlights this in a story about Alexander the Great.

"Once, Alexander was leading his army through a waterless desert. The column was strung out for miles, with men and horses suffering terribly from thirst. Suddenly, a detachment of scouts came galloping back to the king. They had found a small spring and had managed to fill up a helmet with water. They rushed to Alexander and presented this to him. The army held in place, watching. Every man’s eye was fixed upon his commander. Alexander thanked his scouts for bringing him this gift, then, without touching a drop, he lifted the helmet and poured the precious liquid into the sand. At once, a great cheer ascended, rolling like thunder from one end of the column to the other. A man was heard to say, “With a king like this to lead us, no force on earth can stand against us.” 

Jesus didn’t let entitlement sink in.

Philippians 2 tells us that though He was equal with God, He took on the nature of a servant and poured Himself out. He gave His life for others, suffering a violent death on the cross.

Jesus did not live like an entitled man. 

He washed the feet of His disciples.
Had compassion on widows.
Rebuked it when He saw it in the Pharisees.
Forgave His enemies.

I do not want to be an entitled man.

I constantly work to fight this. As the senior pastor of a large church in New York City, privilege can flow toward me. I can get special attention, preferential treatment, recognition, and honor.

But rather than these being the rewards of leadership, they are actually the dangers of leadership.

Life is about serving others.
Any platform we are given is for the gospel and the glory of God.
Privilege is to be stewarded for others, not hoarded for the self. 

A.W. Tozer has a beautiful prayer I am asking God to form into the cry of my heart.

"I am Thy servant to do Thy will, and that will is sweeter to me than position or riches or fame, and I choose it above all things on Earth or in Heaven. Amen."

As disciples of Jesus, we are not entitled men; we are indebted men.

Indebted to grace.
Indebted to mercy
Indebted to a patient God who lovingly modeled the way.

Here to fight entitlement with you.

Cheers.

Jon.
__________________________________

In Today’s Newsletter

• Verses to fight entitlement

• Quotes to ponder

• Book recommendations this month

• Music I am loving right now

• Poems to cultivate gratitude

__________________________________

VERSES TO FIGHT ENTITLEMENT

“But you are not to be like that. Instead, the greatest among you should be like the youngest, and the one who rules like the one who serves.”
Luke 22:26

“And he sat down and called the twelve. And he said to them, “If anyone would be first, he must be last of all and servant of all.”
Mark 9:35 

“The greatest among you shall be your servant.”
Matthew 23:11

"So you also, when you have done everything you were told to do, should say, 
‘We are unworthy servants; we have only done our duty.’”
Luke 17:10


QUOTES TO PONDER

“The servant-leader is servant first, it begins with a natural feeling that one wants to serve, to serve first, as opposed to, wanting power, influence, fame, or wealth.”
Robert K. Greenleaf

"The leader must have both the courage to take the people to a daring destination and the humility to selflessly serve others on the journey."
Cheryl Bachelder 

"Complaining is a self-absorbed and a passive exercise. It’s inward-facing and represents a lack of leadership maturity. It also becomes tedious and tiresome. Great (people) who show leadership own problems. That means they take accountability to drive change."
Cindy Wahler

“Life’s most persistent and urgent question is, ‘What are you doing for others?'”
Martin Luther King, Jr.


BOOKS RECOMMENDATIONS FOR THIS MONTH

In My Time of Dying by Sebastian Junger
This was an incredible book on life after death. Beautifully written, it will fill you with hope about the eternal life we have in Jesus while confronting the uncertainties along the way. Here is more… 

For years as an award-winning war reporter, Sebastian Junger traveled to many front lines and frequently put his life at risk. And yet the closest he ever came to death was the summer of 2020 while spending a quiet afternoon at the New England home he shared with his wife and two young children. Crippled by abdominal pain, Junger was rushed to the hospital by ambulance. Once there, he began slipping away. As blackness encroached, he was visited by his dead father, inviting Junger to join him. “It’s okay,” his father said. “There’s nothing to be scared of. I’ll take care of you.” That was the last thing Junger remembered until he came to the next day when he was told he had suffered a ruptured aneurysm that he should not have survived.

This experience spurred Junger—a confirmed atheist raised by his physicist father to respect the empirical—to undertake a scientific, philosophical, and deeply personal examination of mortality and what happens after we die. How do we begin to process the brutal fact that any of us might perish unexpectedly on what begins as an ordinary day? How do we grapple with phenomena that science may be unable to explain? And what happens to a person, emotionally and spiritually, when forced to reckon with such existential questions?

In My Time of Dying is part medical drama, part searing autobiography, and part rational inquiry into the ultimate unknowable mystery.

Jesus and the Powers by N.T.Wright and Michael Bird
How can we avoid the idolatry of modern politics and think clearly about it. I got this book for the sermon I preached called Controversial Faith: The Church and Politics. Well worth your time.

An urgent call for Christians everywhere to explore the nature of the kingdom amid the political upheaval of our day.

Should Christians be politically withdrawn, avoiding participation in politics to maintain their prophetic voice and to keep from being used as political pawns? Or should Christians be actively involved, seeking to utilize political systems to control the levers of power?

In Jesus and the Powers, N. T. Wright and Michael F. Bird call Christians everywhere to discern the nature of Christian witness in fractured political environments. In an age of ascending autocracies, in a time of fear and fragmentation, amid carnage and crises, Jesus is king, and Jesus’s kingdom remains the object of the church's witness and work.

Part political theology, part biblical overview, and part church history, this book argues that building for Jesus's kingdom requires confronting empire in all its forms. This approach should orient Christians toward a form of political engagement that contributes to free democratic societies and vigorously opposes political schemes based on autocracy and nationalism. Throughout, Wright and Bird reflect on the relevance of this kingdom-oriented approach to current events, including the Russian-Ukraine conflict, the China-Taiwan tension, political turmoil in the USA, UK, and Australia, and the problem of Christian nationalism.

__________________________________

MUSIC I AM LOVING RIGHT NOW

Day by Nils Frahm
Magic album to contemplate the beauty and wonder of life.
Worth checking out the whole body of his work. Screws Reworked is sublime.

Living Room Songs by Ólafur Arnalds
Another album for late-night prayer of examen or that leisurely commute. 

Where He's Wanted (Live) by Church of the City New York
Quite a few folks listen to the teaching that comes out of our church but often wonder what the worship is like. Here is a live album we recorded at one of our monthly prayer and worship nights called Break the Soil. We also have 24/7 prayer running in our church which you can check out in our prayer room if you are ever in the city.
__________________________________

POETRY 

Adam Zagajewski is one of my favorite poets. 
Here are a few of my favorites from him to cultivate gratitude and fight entitlement. 

Figs by Adam Zagajewski

Figs are sweet, 
but don’t last long. 
They spoil fast in transit, 
says the shopkeeper. 
Like kisses, adds his wife, 
a hunched old woman with bright eyes.

Wind by Adam Zagajewski

We always forget what poetry is 
(or maybe it happens only to me). 
Poetry is a wind blowing from the gods, 
says Cioran, citing the Aztecs.

But there are so many quiet, windless days. 
The gods are napping then 
or they’re preparing tax forms for even loftier gods. 
Oh may that wind return. 
The wind blowing from the gods let it come back, 
let that wind 
awaken.

Nocturne by Adam Zagajewski

Sunday afternoons, September: my father listens 
to a Chopin concerto, distracted 
(music for him was often just a backdrop 
for other activities, work or reading), 
but after a moment, he puts the book aside, lost in thought; 
I think one of the nocturnes 
must have moved him deeply—he looks out the window 
(he doesn’t know I’m watching), his face 
opens to the music, to the light, 

and so he stays in my memory, focused, 
motionless, so he’ll remain forever, 
beyond the calendar, beyond the abyss, 
beyond the old age that destroyed him, 
and even now, when he no longer is, he’s still 
here, attentive, book to one side, 
leaning in his chair, serene, 
he listens to Chopin, as if that nocturne 
were speaking to him, explaining something.