"Love is the fountain of life, and the soul which does not drink from it cannot be called alive." 

Bernard of Clairvaux

"And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love."

The Apostle Paul to the Corinthians

One of the challenges of growing in faith in the modern world is that our journey has no markers along the way. It’s hard to know if we are making progress.  When we are younger, we know we are progressing because every indicator of our life is telling us so.

We grow physically. Get taller, stronger, hairier, fill out.

We grow through school. Grades mark our intellectual development, as do the years.

We grow in college. Pick a major, internships, graduate, real world.

We grow in our careers. Entry level, growth, management, partner, responsibility.

We grow in life. Marriage, kids, family, a second home.

But when it comes to our faith, how do we know we are growing?

Once you become an adult, there is almost nothing to tell you are making progress along the way. Much of what the modern church rewards is participation, not transformation.

Is growth defined by how much we give?

How much we volunteer at events?

How many groups we attend?

How many Sundays we show up?

How many non-profits we support?

How much time we spend with the poor?

As many of us have learned by now, busyness and activity inside of the church are no indicators of spiritual growth and maturity inside our hearts. Although helpful, participation is not the same thing as progress. It’s possible to do the right thing with the wrong motive. If I have not love….

How then can a man measure his progress in the life of faith?

The answer? Growth in love.

Bernard of Clairvaux has a compelling teaching on growing in love. Bernard (1090-1153) was a passionate and disciplined man. A man who took growth in love as the most serious duty of the believer. He taught that the heart matures through 4 stages of love.

As we examine our lives, and the way we think about God, faith, others, community, and our enemies, we can measure the motives of our hearts. We can look to see if we are increasing in our love of God, neighbor, and enemy.

THE FIRST STAGE: LOVE OF SELF FOR SELF'S SAKE

At this stage, all we do is for our own benefit. Our life is defined by loving ourselves. Our thoughts, actions, and desires are centered around ourselves.  Albert Haase talks about the 4 marks of the self at this stage. He notes we tend to make an overemotional investment in:

• self-concern (pride)

• self-image (pride, anger, envy)

• self-gratification (lust, gluttony)

• self-preservation (greed, sloth)

Augustine called this preoccupation with the self "Incurvatus." Love turned in on itself. Commenting on this, Jeff Cook writes, "The more I make my life, my well-being, my enlightenment, and my success primary, the farther I step from reality. Thus the hell-bound do not travel downward; they travel inward, cocooning themselves behind a mass of vanity, personal rights, religiosity, and defensiveness. Obsession with self is the defining mark of a disintegrating soul." 

Paul warned that the end times would be terrible because people would be "lovers of themselves." Bernard warned about self-love because it can "burst the banks of self-control, flooding the field of self-indulgence." Love of self is the lowest form of love.

THE SECOND STAGE: LOVE OF GOD FOR THE SELF'S SAKE

In this stage of love, we are awakened to God and his goodness towards us. We are aware of the joy of our salvation and his mercy and grace. Our meaning void is met, and life takes on purpose and depth. Our sins are forgiven, and the weight of guilt is gone. Our shame is removed, and our faces are radiant. Our longings are rerouted from the self to the Trinity. God's covenant is good, rich, satisfying, and kind. But much of the love is the love of God's action, not his person. We love him for what he does for us more than who he is to us.

You can see this reflected in much modern worship and preaching.

My God, my salvation, my deliverer, my defender, the one who empowers me for my purpose. He answers my prayers, meets my needs, cares for my family. He provides for my needs, comforts my heart, heals my pain. Bernard notes that praise for God is rooted in the gifts of God. "O, give thanks to the Lord, for He is good" (Psalm 118:1). This is not a confession of being good to the Lord, but of the Lord being good to us. It is the love of God for our benefit.

There is nothing wrong with this kind of love; it is love indeed. It is just an immature form of love. One whose growth should be celebrated. To get the eyes off the self to the heavens is nothing less than a Copernican revolution. But one that must continue to develop.

THE THIRD STAGE:  LOVE OF GOD FOR GOD'S SAKE

This stage of love is love for God himself. It’s seeking the face of God, not just the hand of God. It's hunger for him. This is the release of the Abba cry, the desire to know the Father who loves and chose us. It’s the bridal cry, the desire to be in heaven enjoying the presence of Christ. It’s being caught up in his glory, not his gifts. It’s the Psalmist's cry:

You, God, are my God, earnestly I seek you;

I thirst for you, my whole being longs for you,

in a dry and parched land where there is no water.

I have seen you in the sanctuary and beheld your power and your glory.

Because your love is better than life, my lips will glorify you.

I will praise you as long as I live, and in your name I will lift up my hands.

I will be fully satisfied as with the richest of foods; with singing lips my mouth will praise you. 

Psalms 63:1-5

It’s his glory, his beauty, his power, his kindness, his mercy, his love, his favor, hispower. It's losing ourselves in him, Christ our Lord.

THE FOURTH STAGE: LOVE OF SELF FOR GOD’S SAKE

This is the stage of union with God. This is true godliness. This is being lost in his love. We are caught up in him, and we experience a sense of self while sensing Christ being in all and all in all. This is the soul's deepest union with God. This is the fellowship of his sufferings and the power of his resurrection. This is confidence in knowing we are the beloved. He is the source of love and the goal of our heart. This is the consecrated man caught up in a vision of something beyond himself. This is mystery; this is wonder; this is the stuff of life.

1 John 4:15-16 says this, "If anyone acknowledges that Jesus is the Son of God, God lives in them and they in God. And so we know and rely on the love God has for us. God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in them."

Knowing the love of God. Relying on the love of God. Living in the love of God. God living in us. We are the beloveds and the beloved is ours. Bernard comments, "When will my soul, inebriated with divine love, learn to be unconsciously self-forgetful, and simply be a broken vessel?"

MAKING PROGRESS IN THE WAY OF LOVE

So how can a man know he is making progress in the way of Jesus? He is growing in love. Growing from a selfish orientation to a loving orientation. Moving from loving God for what he does to who he is. It's union with him. Living in love.

Paul says that the Holy Spirit sheds the love of God abroad in our hearts. Paul prayed "that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the Lord’s holy people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge —that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God." Ephesians 3:16-19

Don’t settle for life hacks, missionalism, or apathy. Hold your heart before him. Ask for the fire of divine love. Draw near to God and he will draw near to you. Seek him and you will find him. Become all flame.

Happy Thanksgiving brothers.

Cheers.

Jon.

P.S. I have a chapter on how love must resist hate in my book Beautiful Resistance if you're looking for some holiday reading. :)