make good memories, and visit them often
Also, I am still in book-writing mode this week and have been caught up pastoring through the horrific events we are facing as a culture right now, but I wanted to put this email back in front of you. It’s about one of the core realities that has changed how I show up as a man.
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“Life is not just the passing of time.
Life is the collection of experiences and their intensity.”
Jim Rohn
“Quick! Bring the best robe and put it on him. Put a ring on his finger and sandals on his feet. Bring the fattened calf and kill it. Let's have a feast and celebrate.”
Luke 15:22-23
Yesterday, while preparing for the 4th of July, we were assembling chairs for the lawn. The weather was perfect, and we were laughing and having a good time as a family. My son Nathan is back from college for the summer, and he wanted to put some music on while we worked. He cranked up his phone, and we began to jam out. I knew every word of every song; every one of them was familiar. It slowly began to dawn on me that he had created a playlist of all the meaningful songs that have been family anthems over the years. My son had created a playlist of our lives. It caused me to pause and consider the power of what was happening. We were a family, we had a legacy of memories, and we had a soundtrack to accompany them. As we made new memories, they were fueled by a soundtrack of previous ones.
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Early on in the Primal Path, Nate and I were working our way through John Maxwell's books, and I came across a chapter in his book25 Ways to Win with Peoplethat changed how I parented forever. The chapter was entitled “Create a memory, and visit it often.” The idea was simple but potent: Do stuff with people you love that stands out from the monotony of everyday life, and these moments will nourish your relationship long after the moment has passed.
This became one of my parenting goals: to make meaningful memories and then cultivate a shared history by visiting them often. If you have ever been with our family when we are all together over a meal, you will notice how much time we spend reminiscing about our favorite times from the past. We laugh at earlier versions of ourselves, often mock me for failing to take my own advice, and revisit the epic things we have done together over the years.
Life can be forgettable, or life can be beautiful. Make good memories, and visit them often.
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The best way I know how to make a memory is from the bookThe Power of Momentsby Chip and Dan Heath. It's an essential read. My most consistent takeaway has been around the idea of “elevating the experience.” This is the art of taking normal, ordinary moments and adding 20% more life to them so that they become meaningful moments worth revisiting. You will be amazed at how 20% more often adds 100% more value.
When Nate flew back from his gap year, we got him a first-class seat, while all his friends flew economy. That first-class flight is something he still brings up. It set the tone that he was special to us and that his return was worth celebrating.
When my son finished a particularly challenging leadership book in one of the Primal Path units, I took him out for BBQ and we ate $90 worth of brisket. We still smile and hold our stomachs when we talk about it today.
When my daughter had to work on the 4th of July and missed the fireworks, I bought some for her and hosted a small little show on her favorite hill on the way home from work. Not spectacular, but thoughtful, and she still brings it up today.
Your life will happen, but you get to choosehowit happens. Why not choose a moment per week to elevate to unreasonable proportions, and create a legacy of memories your kids will hold in their hearts forever?
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While driving into work last year, I had a conversation with my son that brought me to tears.
Nathan talked about what he was processing with his friends, such as father wounds, healing, and the need for a man to process his childhood.
“Dad,”he said,“when I talk about childhood with my friends, I realize that so much of their pain is simply linked to the fact that they are supposed to have a list of deep memories of things they did with their dads, but they don’t. There are just holes where there is meant to be meaning.”
I kind of braced myself for what I thought would be coming next—the holes I had left in his story—but those words never came.
“I wanna say thanks for all the effort you put into making memories with me, Dad. Because I don’t have any holes in my list; I have a whole series of amazing things that give me fuel for my journey.”
I’m not even sure that’s true, but I’ll take it. Tears of joy instead of tears of regret.
So much of Jesus’ ministry was simply elevating normal everyday life with wonder, attention, healing, and joy.
Make good memories, and visit them often.
The future you want is found in the 20% unreasonable love you put in today.
Cheers.
Jon.
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Discussion Questions:
What memories from your childhood are so vivid they still move you today, and which holes or absences still ache because nothing was ever created to fill them?
How might Jesus’ way of elevating everyday life with wonder, attention, and joy challenge your current pattern of rushing through life and never creating lasting moments?
How do you decide which ordinary moments are worth elevating into lasting memories, and what does that reveal about what you value most
What small act of “20% unreasonable love” has impacted you far more than a larger gesture, and what does that tell you about how meaning is formed?
What would it take for you to intentionally create one unreasonable, elevated memory this week, and what practical steps can you take right now to plan it?