the cambridge dictionary word of the year is a warning to us all
"Long-term interpersonal relationships are the crucible of genuine progress in the Christian life."
Joseph H. Hellerman
"The American church has overall mimicked celebrity culture rather than challenged it."
Katelyn Beaty
I am always interested when new words are added to the Cambridge Dictionary.
Language is a core part of culture creation and reflection of the world we live in. Several words have recently been added to the Cambridge Dictionary that made me smile, including the words skibidi and delulu. Then, there is the surprising entry tradwife, referencing a woman who wants a traditional life of staying at home and having kids.
However, an entry caught my eye because of its implications for how we love as men. It was the word…
Parasocial
Parasocial is the Cambridge Dictionary's 2025 Word of the Year.
Parasocial is defined as "a relationship felt by someone between themselves and a famous person they do not know."
A parasocial relationship is a one-way emotional attachment to a public figure, celebrity, influencer, or content creator who doesn’t know you exist. You can feel close to them, know their voice, habits, humor, values, and tiny details of their lives, but they do not know you. This relationship can feel personal, but it’s not mutual. It can feel intimate, but it is built on their calculated exposure, not mutual vulnerability.
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The idea of parasocial relationships dates back to 1956, when University of Chicago sociologists Donald Horton and Richard Wohl noticed something unusual in society. People were relating to television personalities as if they were interacting with actual friends or family members, even though the connection was completely one-sided.
As television spread and actors’ faces became a regular part of daily life, viewers began treating them like familiar figures in their own homes. Horton and Wohl used the term parasocial to describe these emotional bonds that felt personal but had no real shared interaction. But the term has been applied more broadly in recent years to describe any relationship between an individual and someone they know only from a distance, often a celebrity or public figure. What began as a technical academic term has become a reality for us all.
For many, our parasocial relationships have become our most important ones.
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There is nothing wrong with connecting and resonating with public figures we don’t know. We all need people to inspire, guide, and help us, and not all of those will be people we have direct access to. I have been deeply shaped by Pastors whose ministries go beyond the boundaries of their own congregations and resonate deeply with a few content creators online. But what used to be the exception for relationships has now become the rule of relationships for so many, and there is a danger that parasocial relationships will become more important than our actual relationships.
There is a temptation, as dads, and a very real possibility, that we will know more about our favorite athletes, business leaders, or fighters than we will know about what’s going on in our kids' hearts.
There is a danger that our kids will know more about the life of their favorite YouTuber than they will about our family stories and history.
There is a danger that our wives will feel more connected to the lives of female influencers than they will to their own families. (The deconstruction movement favors women, not men. The stats on young women leaving the church are heartbreaking.)
There is a danger that Christians will feel more connected to pastors online than they do to the actual people in their church.
DIAGNOSING OUR RELATIONSHIPS
It’s not that parasocial relationships are inherently bad; it’s how quickly they can become disordered attachments in a culture that monetizes connection and engagement and creates fantasy expectations that no real life can live up to. If we are not careful, parasocial relationships will become the relational porn of our time.
Here are some questions you can sit with to think through how you are organizing your relational world in a parasocial culture.
Do I feel a sense of false intimacy?
Do you feel deeply connected to someone who cannot know you, counsel you, or walk with you in real life? Do the details of their lives feel more important to you than the details of the people you are relationally responsible for?
Do I have distorted expectations?
Am I expecting the everyday people around me to have the same charisma, gifting, and attraction as those I connect to online? Am I raising my standards or opinions based on online dynamics that no one can keep up with in real life?
Am I imitating from a distance, or am I being formed by proximity?
Am I copying the language, aesthetics, or opinions of online personalities without being held accountable in real-life discipleship relationships? Do I talk a good game, but struggle to play it well in actual life?
Are my parasocial relationships displacing my actual community?
Am I spending unhealthy amounts of time online, consuming content and talking with others who share the same parasocial concerns as me, or learning to love and serve the people God has placed around me?
Am I mistaking resonance for obedience?
Am I consuming more content than I can obey or live out in the actual process of discipleship? Am I mistaking resonance with the way of the cross? Am I growing in deception by failing to put what I hear into practice?
Am I emotionally overinvested?
Do I grieve when these leaders fail, defend them like family, or build my faith on their success? Am I allowing them to play an unhealthy role in my emotions, attention, and affections?
Am I judging those around me?
Am I becoming self-righteous about what I connect with and judging those around me who view things differently? Do I view myself as superior because of my aesthetics, preferences, or opinions given by those I admire online?
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This is just a starting point for reflection, but you can see how important this is for us as men. Our job is to love our wives as Christ loved the church and lay our lives down for them. It's hard to love someone when all your energy has been spent on emotional investments in parasocial spaces. It’s our jobs to raise our kids in the fear and admonition of the Lord, but that’s hard to do if your attention is set on distant hobbies and obsessions that rob you of being present at home.
We need men who prioritize real relationships, not parasocial ones.
Men who...
Refuse to "give up meeting together" (Hebrews 10:25)
Will "Confess their sins to one another" (James 5:16)
"Bear one another’s burdens" (Galatians 6:2)
"Obey their leaders and submit to them" (Hebrews 13:7)
These commands cannot happen in a one-way digital connection.
They require face-to-face community, mutual sacrifice, physical presence, and a commitment to prioritize real relationships in real life.
- Your marriage is more important than Taylor Swift's and Travis Kelcie's.
- You are responsible for what happens in your house, not the White House.
- You are called to serve the Lord, not watch other people do it online.
I am praying God will give you grace to be good at your actual relationships.
That you would be attuned and aware of what is happening in the lives of those God has given you to love.
I’m hoping this inspires you to be more present in real life, not parasocial life.
Fighting with you for the mess of incarnational love.
Cheers.
Jon.
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Discussion Questions:
Are there any online people that your friends and family joke about you being obsessed with, or complain that you care too much about? Can you discern any unhealthy parasocial relationships in your own heart?
How would you describe the ratio of your Christian content consumption to your personal obedience right now?
Are you more informed about your favorite leader, athlete, or content creator than you are about what’s happening in your wife’s heart or your kid’s world? What’s one thing you could do this week to grow in your understanding of what’s going on in the hearts of those you love?
Have you ever felt more connected to a spiritual leader online than to someone in your own church? If so, what has that done to your view of local community?
What is one way you can shift your attention this week to the real relationships God has placed around you?
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P.S. - If I can serve you in some way, here are a few resources that may be helpful to you: