the intervention we need as men this week
“If the only prayer you ever say in your entire life is thank you, it will be enough.”
Meister Eckhart
“Always giving thanks to God the Father for everything, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ.”
Ephesians 5:20
It’s amazing how quickly gratitude can be sucked out of our hearts by the rhythm of modern life. Today, we celebrate Thanksgiving, a moment where, at least symbolically, we pause to remember the gifts and grace we have received.
Thanksgiving is my favorite American Holiday, a rare reprieve from the algorithms that cultivate entitlement and anxiety in us one post at a time. But if we are not careful, with the taste of turkey still on our lips, we will skip to Black Friday and Cyber Monday, and our tiny prayers of thankfulness will be overshadowed by our desire for more.
Though the days of wrestling with people for a cheap TV at Walmart seem to be over, we still have to wrestle with the spirits of entitlement and mammon that seek to make their way into our hearts. These idols rarely make a direct assault anymore; they are more subtle, more sophisticated, more pleasing. James K.A. Smith notes, “Our idolatries are less like conscious decisions to believe a falsehood and more like learned dispositions to hope in what will disappoint.”
We have to fight these learned dispositions and maintain gratitude through this season. Everything in life, from curated ads, requests from our kids, a desire to be generous to our wives, obligations to our in-laws, and pressure to keep up with other dads will come for our hearts.
They will seek to overshadow the wonder of what we truly have in Christ. Though the desire to be generous in this season is a godly one, it can’t make up for an entitled heart. One day of toys a year won’t build a family culture, but gratitude in an entire season can.
So, amid the temptations of consumerism, it may be time for a gratitude intervention.
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I came across this idea of a gratitude intervention in some research I was looking at this week. To do a gratitude intervention, all you have to do is “...engage in positive activities such as gratitude journaling, writing gratitude letters to others, or generating lists of events that occurred for which one is grateful.”
The research noted:
“Individuals with higher levels of gratitude experience better psychological well-being, including lower rates of depression, anxiety, and greater emotional functioning, including more positive affect, less negative affect, and higher life satisfaction. They have better cardiovascular and immune health and respond better to chronic stress.”
One of the most potent changes you can make for the rest of the year is to take a few moments at the end of each day to list out to God what you are grateful for. This may seem small, but the cumulative effect of fighting entitlement may slowly turn you into a different kind of man.
According to the best research, a grateful man has more…
Attention
Gratitude redirects what your mind notices. The brain has a negativity bias, built to scan for threats, but long-term gratitude interrupts that bias. Grateful men become aware of positive events that previously went unnoticed.
Interpretation
Gratitude changes how you explain your experiences. Instead of crediting yourself for what’s going well or giving in to fear when it's not, you start interpreting good events as gifts rather than things you deserve. That shift alters your sense of agency, reduces resentment, and decreases the frequency of internal grievance.
Memory
Gratitude modifies what gets consolidated into long-term memory. Positive events are encoded more strongly when your mind is conditioned to notice and savor them. Over time, this builds a different internal archive. You begin to reflect on what is good rather than ruminating on what is wrong.
Emotions
Consistent gratitude lowers chronic stress markers. Studies show reductions in cortisol levels and increases in parasympathetic activity (we need this badly in the modern world). This produces a calmer baseline. People who engage in gratitude journaling report lower depression symptoms and higher stability of positive affect.
Identity
Gratitude can reshape a man’s concept of himself. Gratitude reframes the self as a receiver rather than an earner. That reduces entitlement and increases prosocial motivation. Grateful men become more generous, forgiving, and willing to help.
Relationships
When gratitude becomes habitual, it rewires our relational stances towards others. It increases trust and reduces relational vigilance. A grateful man reframes negative interactions with more grace. Couples who practice gratitude consistently show higher satisfaction and lower conflict reactivity (how much do we need that this season?).
Behavior
Gratitude increases perseverance. When people view their lives as full of undeserved goodness, they show more perseverance under pressure. They also make healthier choices and have more stability in their habits.
Time Perception
People who cultivate gratitude experience time as more abundant. They feel less pressure, hurried, and behind. That changes decision-making and lowers impulsivity.
Spiritual Formation
Gratitude opens the heart to learn to receive. It trains you to live from grace you did not earn, rather than effort you have to give. Gratitude opens the heart to joy because it forces recognition of the goodness already present in your life.
ADJUSTING TO THE PACE OF GRATITUDE
But in the modern world, we can skim past this (for example, you may be skimming this email right now :), and we often give in to the violence of the pace of modern life. We don’t seem to have time to prioritize even something as small as this.
It can feel impossible to find margin, even to make sense of what is happening in our stories. Only accidents, sickness, or loss seem to shake us from our frenetic pace. We lose the rhythm of grace when we live at a violent pace. We lose the ability to appreciate, savor, reflect, linger, and enjoy.
God sometimes manifests Himself in dramatic ways, but He normally works in ways too ordinary for us to see. There was no room in the inn for Jesus' birth, no recognition that God was working in the neighborhood doing construction for over 30 years. It was too ordinary, too impossible to believe that God is found in the goodness of our everyday lives.
So, we must learn to slow down enough to see. We need a daily gratitude intervention.
Frederick Buechner reminds us how this happens:
“Listen to your life. See it for the fathomless mystery that it is. In the boredom and pain of it no less than in the excitement and gladness: touch, taste, smell your way to the holy and hidden heart of it because in the last analysis all moments are key moments, and life itself is grace.”
The ping off the bat as your son hits his first ball in a game. That is grace.
Laughter from your wife in the other room as she does homework with the kids. That is grace.
Your favorite song from college hitting the playlist as the sun sets and you pull in the driveway. That is grace.
Kindness from a coworker where there has been strain on the job. That is grace.
Winter light over morning coffee. That is grace.
Creation, providence, redemption. Our lives are drenched in grace!
G. K. Chesterton once wrote:
“You say grace before meals. All right. But I say grace before the concert and the opera, and grace before the play and pantomime, and grace before I open a book, and grace before sketching, painting, swimming, fencing, boxing, walking, playing, dancing and grace before I dip the pen in the ink.”
Grace to see how much we have.
Grace to resist what we do not need.
Grace to love and serve.
Grace to slow down and reflect
Grace to give ourselves away.
May you cultivate a gratitude that fights back at the spirit of entitlement and familiarity today. May you revel in a grace you cannot buy or earn. May the only prayer that truly matters rise from your lips today.
“God, for all you have done in the gift that is my life, thank you.”
Happy Thanksgiving, fellas.
Cheers.
Jon.
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Discussion Questions:
If you could rate your level of gratitude right now from a 1-10, what would it be, and why?
Where do you sense entitlement showing up in your life, even in ways that look responsible or generous on the surface?
What are three things you are grateful for that you haven’t noticed? Go back and reflect to find them.
What benefit of being grateful stood out to you?
Take a few moments to say thanks to God right now, for all He has done in your life this year.
Text one friend and tell them how grateful you are for them. Be specific.
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P.S. - If I can serve you in some way, here are a few resources that may be helpful to you: